Was That Film Really That Bad??? Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

What do you get when you make a sequel to a cult favourite that, whilst not doing the deed at the box office, managed a hefty profit on home video? What do you get when you decide to film said sequel in a country whose economy suddenly crashes and hyperinflation wrecks the value of money? What do you get when the financial backers remove the director's influence from the final cut and mess with the story? And finally, what do you get when you make a film that every follow up movie, TV show, animation, book and comic book of the franchise ignores?

The answer, gentle reader, is Highlander II: The Quickening. And Carter, you're getting blamed for suggesting this one!

1986's box-office disappointment, Highlander, managed that tricky accomplishment of becoming a cult classic without even trying. With a great soundtrack by the ever dependable Michael Kamen accompanied by selected music from Queen, flashy direction by Russell Mulcahy and a game cast including Christopher Lambert (Frenchman playing a Scotsman), Sean Connery (Scotsman playing a Spaniard) and Clancy Brown (American playing a Russian), it has stood the test of time, 1980's fashion and all. Hell, we even get Celia Imrie, who managed not only to regularly co-star with the great Victoria Wood, but also continued a film/TV career that ensured she popped up in the strangest of places (the aforementioned Highlander, 1978's Death on the Nile, Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace and Taggart - that's some versatility!).

Old man MacLeod (also, Vigo's brother!)

With money obviously being made, the decision was taken to follow up with a sequel, placing Mulcahy back in the director's chair. The original's producers were also on board but with a story co-developed by Brian Clemens, whose British TV career reads like a who's who of genre television of the 1960's and 70's. Filming was to take place in Argentina and Lambert returned as Connor MacLeod. Returning too was Sean Connery, which was a surprise to many as he definitely (SPOILER ALERT) lost his head in the first film. Rounding out the main cast were the ever toothsome Virginia Madsen, familiar genre actor Michael Ironside and John C McGinley. 

This is probably one of the best bits...

Plot-wise, this was the film's first fatal mistake. They ret-conned a shit ton of backstory here, neatly destroying the set up from the first film. MacLeod and the other immortals are now aliens from the planet Zeist, and end up on Earth after being banished from their home planet for insurrection. Confused? Hold on to your britches, it's gonna get worse. You see, the Ozone layer, damaged to destruction by pollution, was replaced by a giant electromagnetic shield in 1999 to prevent dangerous UV-rays from killing everyone (co-designed by MacLeod). Said shield is ran by the The Shield Corporation and as with most film corporations, it's bad one. 

Acting, darling!

It's now 2024 and the Earth is a dark, depressing place where people just get by but society is crumbling and a lot of the blame is put on the existence of the Shield. Imagine, if you will, a gloomy village pub on a Sunday afternoon in November and you're kind of there. A terrorist group (led by Louise Marcus, the toothsome Miss Madsen) discover that the Ozone layer has regenerated and the Shield is no longer required. That's one part of the plot. The other is the conflict between MacLeod and General Katana (Ironside). The latter wants the former dead and even though MacLeod, as the last Immortal on Earth, is now an old man, Katana has become impatient and wants him dead now. Which is the present. Not the past where Katana is and where MacLeod came from. So how someone from the past waits for someone in the future to die of old age is beyond me. But hey, story! Katana sends two goons to kill MacLeod but, as they are also Immortals on Earth, when he kills them, he reverts back to his youth via the Quickening. Why that age? No idea. At the same time, MacLeod calls out for Ramirez's help because they are linked even unto death (naturally), so Ramirez appears at Glencoe by magic (literally) and goes off to find MacLeod. At the same time, Marcus confronts MacLeod, witnesses the fight between him and the goons, then just takes on board the fact that MacLeod is a centuries old Immortal. Phew! Needless to say, the good guys win, the bad guys lose and everyone (who survives) is home for tea and tiffin (NOT that tiffin... well, actually...) as the final credits roll.

Young man MacLeod with better hair than Ms Madsen

So is this film really that bad???

This bad... and worse!

Fuck yes!

It's a pile of non-sensical bull hooks that is a waste of 100 minutes of your valuable time. The fact that it is on YouTube and has not been taken down says a lot. Not even the copyright holders want this any more. Why, you may ask? Okay, here goes...

The plot is nuts, full of holes and destroys whatever legacy the first film created. That the sequel is ignored by future franchise instalments says it all. But it's not just the alien thing, the time travel aspect (which exists for no reason whatsoever - they can just be on another planet) or the science behind the Shield. It's literally every action in the film that makes no sense or has much in the way of consequence. They are, in the order they appear in the film:

• The beginning, a text dump to explain Earth in 2024, followed by a ten minute mix of MacLeod watching Wagner whilst remembering his past, alien life, where the insurrection against General Katana fails. It's long and quite boring. Also, the insurrection failed and I think I know why. If you have guns, maybe try shooting the bad guys whilst they are 100 yards away rather than get into melee combat where the guy you are pratting about with holding a sword has a bunch of mates trying to do you in. I mean, if you have firearms, surely you know that killing from a distance is a much better alternative???
• Katana's motivation - he's waited five hundred years, a few more weeks won't kill him (as age will kill MacLeod), but no, off go the goons and justify the film lasting longer than 20 minutes. Shame that.
• Ramirez's return. How? Magic. No, seriously, how??? Magic, (and Lambert wanting to work with Connery again), now shut up! And that whole makeover scene in the clothing store - they suit and boot him, ply him with whiskey and cigars and get him a limo to the airport all off the back of one pearl ear-ring. I did not know that clothing store managers were closet jewellers, but hey, this is going to get worse so let the silliness continue. 
• Ramirez travelling on a plane to another country with no passport. Okay, the inflight safety video is mildly humourous and alongside the TV advert that appears a tad earlier, seems to be aiming at the Robocop level of pastiche but the tone totally conflicts with the actual movie, whereas Robocop did it brilliantly. I mean, I wouldn't buy Highlander II for a dollar!
• MacLeod vs the goons - overly long, lots of wire work and whilst you can see what they did with the set design, it's also too dark. There is little regards to physics - watch the way they turn in flight, and let us not forget the first Quickening of the movie. MacLeod removes the head of one goon and there is an electric spidery thing, lots of pyrotechnics and some rather dodgy model work. Things blow up, buildings are wrecked, yet literally in the next fight scene in the same location, there is no damage.
• After that fight, MacLeod and Marcus get horny and make the beast with two backs in an alley. Why? No idea. 
• Katana arrives on Earth, landing in a subway train which he then commandeers, taking it from 40 on the speedo to over 600, causing passenger to fly to the back of each carriage (Why? How?), with a tame-ish amount of gore and prosthetics. The subway train, ignoring any connection to the real world, manages to not only stay on the track at 600 whatever but survives intact after crashing though a wall. Must have been the cheap sparklers hanging off the front that saved it. Katana, being a nutter, is unharmed by this. 
• The plan to take down the Shield - MacLeod and Ramirez drive a car into the control facility and get shot to shit. Marcus, in the boot (sorry, trunk), is untouched by the 360 degree gunfire that you clearly see peppers the car and has no problem going through the car doors and windscreen. Obviously, a toothsome smile will do wonders. Also, Ramirez uses life force magic to get them out of a no-escape situation. Life force magic that literally exists for this scene and this scene only - a bit like Sean and his request for a ping. One ping only... Still, a worthy sacrifice and one that gets us the "no-one asked for this" bagpipe rendition of Amazing Grace. It could only get more Scottish if they had Rab C knock on the door offering them a Tunnock's teacake and a can of Tennents!

Yes, the film is nonsense. It is also dark, as in visibly dark. Put that down to the Shield, but it also hides a multitude of budget sins and at least gives it a visual style that befits a soulless experience. The actors, though, seem to be having a ball. Lambert is good as MacLeod, successfully managing an old man impersonation (the make up is slightly off though) and feeling quite at home as his younger self. Madsen is toothsome and gives the film a bit of light, whilst Connery looks like he's having fun in the way that a hefty pay packet will make any job seem enjoyable. Ironside is in full panto mode though, and at times you expect him to rock up as a Dame, that's how OTT he is here. Not that this is a bad thing, and if you've followed Ironside's career, you'll know that he gives every job maximum effort, so I applaud his acting decisions here. McGinley, however, is wasted - coming across as slightly effete but trying to be menacing at the same time - the tone is definitely off and I know he can do much better. That being said, it has been admitted that by the time they started filming, the cast knew the script was crap so just went for the moolah (and contractual reasons). Can't say I blame them. 

This is a subway train doing 600 plus whatever... and sparklers!

The fight scenes, surely a basic essential when it comes to having people run around with ruddy great swords, are slow and quite basic. Maybe it's the direction, maybe it's the preparation of the cast, but in every sense, you get the feeling the local am-dram group could do better. Same can be said of props - this is another film that has re-purposed motorcycle helmets for guards to wear. Never, ever use motorcycles helmets like this. Same with films set in space. Just NO!!!!

Transparent computer screens - that's Pornhub knackered then...

The film is dripping in 1990's fashion, especially the suits, and as for the hair, well... Look, I get it, men with long hair were a popular fashion thing 30 years ago, and no, this is not just me as my hairline retreats. The worst offender is Ironside's hair piece, he just looks silly, and if this is how 2024 should look, then count me out. 

The battle of the wigs - there can be only one!

Highlander II: The Quickening is a terrible film, of that, there is no doubt. Not even working in the titles of Queen songs into the dialogue helps matters. In fact, anything tying this film to its predecessor just highlights how good that one was compared to this one. The plot is trash, it looks cheap and despite the best efforts of the cast, the dialogue and character actions are ludicrous. This film was rightly a box office bomb and although you can justifiably say the Highlander franchise was never grade A entertainment, it never again sunk to the depths of this sequel. That being said, Highlander III was also dire, just not as bad as this. To see how bad things really were for this film though, check out the IMDB trivia page for it here. It's an eye opener.

Getting your knackers crushed probably seemed like a more enjoyable experience to Mr McGinley than watching this film.

For a final comment on Highlander II, as one reviewer put it when this film came out, "There should have been only one!"