Saturday 6 June 2020

SeaQuest DSV - Season Two

The most important goal of a TV show's first season? Get the renewal! In the cut and thrust world of US TV shows, that's a hefty ambition. No, seriously, some US shows get cancelled after as few as two or three episodes, so making it to the end of your initial run can be a challenge in itself and the sun-lit uplands of year two can feel like the search for the Holy Grail. Sometimes though, it's easier than that as network's have so much invested in a show that, even if the first outing was disappointing, the show will get a second swing of the bat. And so it was with seaQuest DSV...

There were changes from season one, though. Quite a few changes. And whereas season one struggled to find its own identity, season two very quickly does - it's the one with the Groucho Marx glasses, nose and moustache kit...

Season one was expensive. The outdoor shoots at Malibu beach were costly and complicated to arrange so a change in filming venue was required to fit the budget. Since Florida offered good tax incentives, off they went. This was a problem for some of the cast as they didn't want to leave California (and why not, that's where future work would be), so according to what I have read, Stacey Haiduk and John D'Aquino walked. Stephanie Beacham had apparently already decided to leave and Royce D Applegate was booted off as not being right for the audience they were aiming for - again, so I have read. This led to replacement cast members.

Edward Kerr is Lt. James Brody - more beefcake for the ladies and a younger replacement for Crocker. Kathy Evison is Lt Lonnie Henderson - toothsome in the extreme and pretty much stuck in a vest top for many an episode - she replaces Hitchcock. We also have Rosalind Allen as thinking man's totty replacement for Beacham, Dr Wendy Smith. She's also psychic. Yeah, we have telepaths now. Who would have thunk it? Michael DeLouise is Seaman Anthony Piccolo - who happens to have surgically added gills(!) and Peter DeLouise is Dagwood, a Dagger or GELF (Genetically Engineered Lifeform). In case you missed it (hint: you didn't), there is a race of genetically modified beings called Daggers that play an important part in the Season Two opener. The upshot is that all of these characters are younger than their predecessors (as well as supporting the extended DeLouise family by keeping them in work).

Not all of the cast went for the younger look though, with Scheider now sporting a neat beard for most of the episodes (which due to showing order shenanigans, comes and goes in the latter part of the season). What can be said is that as the season progresses, you can see some of the cast looking particularly bored and sick of their jobs. So much so that Kerr stormed off the set of one episode and Scheider's press interviews during the show's production are a fine example of someone who wants out and doesn't care how it happens.

With the change in filming location, there was more room for outdoor shooting and, to be fair, they do get out and about a lot more. Whereas season one might be remembered for being mostly dark, season two has a lot of time set outdoors and in the sunshine. This is both good and bad. Good, because, you know, outdoors, greater filming opportunities and the like. Bad, because this is supposedly set in 2021 and feels at times like a bad episode of Baywatch Nights, 90's fashion and all. There is only a token attempt at making you believe that your actually in the next century, and even then, it's not that convincing, with the odd tacked on bit of plastic to disguise 1995 objects. The cheap accessory vibe from season one (remember the motorcycle astronaut helmets) continues where in one episode, a video device is blatantly a pocket calculator where even the button colours have not changed. In addition, outdoor scenes with CGI added look terrible.

Stories are what make a show and by God, they scraped a barrel or two for this one. The first two episodes cover the origins of the Daggers and acts as a re-boot for the show. Where science is mentioned, it's usually complete and utter bobbins. And with crap science and re-used underwater shots, it's quite boring and does not bode well for the series...

We have the return of the aliens from season one, time travel with added dire CGI robots and a complete lack of care over whether they actually explain anything that happens in the episode - their explanation of time travel is hilariously bad. We have a human (with gills) and a dolphin swimming at 12,700 feet below the surface. Ok... Bridger being only 49? Hard paper round there, Nathan lad. AI conflict where the computer is beaten by emotion, killer plants (think a cross between Little Shop of Horrors and the Triffids - a bad SyFy movie is better than that), and a retelling of the Frankenstein tale with Daggers. Giant crocodiles that appear with crap didgeridoo music (must have learned that from Darwin's f**king pan pipes!) and then a story about Atlantis! Another alien story, effectively a "homage" to Aliens which seriously should have had lawyers at the ready, a telepathic take over story with ear grinding 80's synth music (I just... yeah... no) and then Greek Gods appear, though this show now gives so little of a toss now that they use the Roman names and even the script points out how silly the whole story is. Oh, and when possessed, the characters sound like the Honey Monster - this made it pure comedy gold, at least for three seconds anyway...

More god-possession pops up, a Predator rip off story that, again, should have had lawyers baying at the doors, and then more aliens, though this time they abduct the sub and crew, leading to a limp cliffhanger at the end of the season.

The nadir of the season is the Greek Gods episode but that's kind of like saying the fourth cowpat you've trod in on a country walk is the worst of the dozen you'll end up standing on. Whilst season one showed promise, season two is just diabolically bad in pretty much every sense and even episodes with a hint of quality soon get the memo and return to badly produced and written trash. At least they had good guests stars like the first season...

Well, no. We get the excellent value Kent McCord back for a few episodes, and Mark Hamill drops by, looking (and acting) like they had to sedate him to finish filming. And Dom DeLouise also pops up as Tony's dad - just what is it with the DeLouise's? Are they like entertainment mafia??? As for the rest of the guest stars? Never heard of them though have seen a couple in Murder She Wrote. Some act like they're just off Sunset Beach, others like they're the Dame in Panto season. I've not seen that much over the top action since the final episode of Blackadder goes Forth! And one guest actress, in the Greek Gods ep, is supposed to be a singer. The poor lady cannot act, sing or mime playing the guitar but hey, since this is the show that reckons the Ancient Greeks were around just one thousand years ago, all I can say is "Gan on, Bonny lass, the viewers have made it this far, be a shame to surprise them with quality performances now".

Finally, we have the factoid bits at the end of each episode, only these are now in an aquatic park and have various members of the cast talking about sea life. I miss Bob, and his soulless hostage eyes. At least he could do a piece to camera whereas some of the cast are distinctly poor at it.

In watching this show, my good lady and I decided an adequate scoring system for each episode would be the FML tally - where something happens or is said that generates the response FML. The lowest scoring was four. The highest (yep, the Greek Gods one) was eight. I don't recall a season one ep getting a single FML. That's how bad this season is.

And yet...

You thought I was going to say something nice there, weren't you? Well, no. It's pap. SeaQuest took a further dive into the ratings during this run and I can really see why. It appears neither the writers nor the producers actually gave a sh*t and were just collecting the paycheck. This is a shame as whilst the first run of the show had issues, they were not insurmountable and could have resulted in a program that would anchor a network's ratings. Despite that, a third season was commissioned. Oh dear lord...

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