Was That Film Really That Bad??? - Resident Evil: Retribution

This, gentle reader, is the fifth film in the seemingly never ending Resident Evil film series. If, by now, you thought you had seen it all, think again. Wor Paul is back in the writer's/director's/producer's role for another entry in the ever-shuffling zombie horror series. Despite reviewing like a five day old Eclair at your local Greggs, the series so far had made a total of $682m from a production spend of $183m, fair returns for the money and that was just the box office take. Success like that warranted a continuation, especially after the cliff-hanger at the end of the fourth film, and so Resident Evil: Retribution was released in 2012. The question, as always, was that film really that bad???

Before we go into the plot and the cast, let me talk to you about the opening of the film. It showcases both the best and worst of Wor Paul's film-making. Following on directly from the last entry, the opening credits show the battle on the Arcadia but in reverse slow motion. Credit where it's due, it's a rather nifty piece of cinema. Not only because you're getting it arse about face, but also because that slow motion can reveal lots of little tells and CGI whoopsies that could have derailed the effect Wor Paul was trying to achieve. To his, and the crews, credit, this actually works quite well. Yes, it's blatantly CGI heavy and that shows the weakness of the budget but as a way of starting the fifth film of the franchise, it certainly gets the audience's attention.

CGI? What CGI?

Now, onto the plot and the frankly bonkers story Wor Paul has put in place. We get to see "Alice" living a happy suburban life before zombies attack (we also see Olivera (Oded Fehr) and Ocampo (a jointly top-billed Michelle Rodriguez). We then cut to the real Alice waking up in an underground facility that is designed to simulate outbreaks of the T-virus. She meets up with Ada Wong (Li Bingbing) who is under orders by Wesker (a returning Shawn Roberts) to rescue Alice. It turns out that Wesker is a good guy now as the Red Queen controls Umbrella and Wesker realises the only one who can stop her is Alice. To aid them, he has sent a rescue squad (Leon S Kennedy - Johann Urb, Barry Burton - Kevin Durand and Luther West - Boris Kadjoe, back from the last movie). We also get a returning Sienna Guillory as Jill Valentine, as well as Collin Salmon as a soldier clone. The facility they are rescuing Alice from is attached to a former Soviet naval base in the Kamchatka Peninsular, where there is also a load of frozen military hardware.

This reminds me of the commute on the Coast Road

But that is not all. As the facility is designed to simulate outbreaks, there are various zones (think the Crystal Maze in the lifeless Ed Tudor-Pole years, just going through the motions) for New York, Berlin, Tokyo, Moscow and "Suburbia". Naturally, our heroes have to navigate through these to get to the sub pen and the lift (elevator) out of the place. Of course, in fitting with the naff action movie vibe, there is some bollocks about a countdown for, well, reasons. The survivors make it to the surface, there is a bit of fisty cuffs after the bad guys park a Typhoon-class sub in the way, and the eventually rescued ones make it to Wesker, who is holed up in the White House as the last bastion against the undead. At no point do they collect any gold tickets, so no-one gets a £100 weekend experience driving a clapped out Subaru in deepest darkest Surrey. This, gentle reader, is a crying shame and a missed opportunity for cross-franchise merchandising. 

Physics, we're heard of it.

Phew, that sounds like a lot but it is actually reasonably well explained throughout the film. I know, I am surprised myself but, and this is a big but, it allows Wor Paul to stage a farewell party to those who were there at the beginning. It's nice to see Michelle and Colin back, and Oded is his usual good value self. And, if I am honest, the plot shenanigans don't seem to grate that much for this film. That's not to say there aren't problems, questions or concerns. 

Hello, old friend...

As per all previous movies, the 3D maps are back again, though this time actually serving some kind of purpose, so there is that. Everyone seems to have the unlimited ammo cheat up and running again, with a ton of full-auto fire, few (if any) mag changes and not much effect for all that lead flying around. The CGI varies from merely ok to downright terrible - the car chase is particularly bad, though I do like how the Soviet Navy seemed to have multiple Slava class cruisers all in one place - it must have been the one CGI model they really put the time and effort in so there are tons of them (they only ever launched four - I know, nerd alert).

There are more Slava-class cruisers in this shot than were ever built.

To be fair, the creature CGI has improved slightly. The Licker does look a bit better, but the 3D (yep, filmed in that again) bullets are just dire. As for the city flooding scenes? They are beyond bad, making The Day After Tomorrow (2004) look almost photorealistic.

Big sub...

There is also a distinct lack of reality too. Now I know, these are "simulations" but can we at least have a constant passage of time? The bit where there are rocket grenades incoming and one of our heroes still has time to shoot through the floor is just silly. Then we have the Typhoon sub. When this surfaces, we are meant to believe that this is a monster of a sub, yet it looks like something you'd find on a children's playground, certainly from the size of it. It's just far too small, even compared to the CGI models seen earlier in the film.

...little sub, cardboard box.

Originality is still dead though. After copying the Crystal Maze, Wor Paul decides to ape Aliens as the annoying child is taken by a Licker - cue lots of angry Milla going all Ripley. Aliens did it better. Much better. 

Even the GI Joe movie did underwater scenes better... Sheesh!

Aircraft have their "unlimited fuel" cheat working too - the helicopter they escape from Kamchatka in is presumably the same one that makes it all the way to Washington DC. There again, we have the hold outs at the White House. That final zoom out shot is meant to impress but I couldn't help think "hold on, where is all this kit kept? What about fuel and ammo? It's been years since the T-virus was unleashed so how the hell are they still holding out?" Is it trying to ape the atmosphere from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and its Washington scenes? I can't help but think that Wor Paul keeps a notepad beside him at all times in order to record all the cool things he sees and wants to put in a film. 

The Final Bullshot.

This was the most expensive of the Res Evil series at $65m and whilst they have put that money on screen, it wasn't enough to match the vision of the director. That means it veers from looking ok to cheap and nasty no matter how stylish he intended it to be. The thing is, the actual core of the film isn't that bad and I quite liked it. I would say that it is probably my second best film of the series so far and a much better watch than films two to four. 

A decent, if overblown and brain dead, action film then, that carries the series forward to its inevitable, shambling end. One question remains though. Can it stick the landing with that cliffhanger ending or will it have all of the impact of a zombie who's fallen off a skyscraper? I think you can already guess the answer to that, but that's for another time.