SnackSurprise - The June Box: Netherlands

This is the second monthly snack box we have received and after some of the pleasant (and not so pleasant) surprises in last month’s delivery, anticipation in TIT Towers was high for this one: The Netherlands!

As you can see, we received twelve items, including a canned drink – cue flashbacks to the South Korean “beverage”… Shudder! But, new country, new snacks, so let’s get started.

Left hand side only. The right is for the big spenders.

Lays Joppie Sauce flavoured crisps – if you think the packaging looks familiar, then yeah, it’s pretty much Walkers crisps if you’re in the UK. Lays is also a popular brand in the US. These are onion and curry – intriguing. Basically, a funky Worcestershire Sauce, with a tad more heat, but only a tad mind. Actually very nice and something we’d both have again.

Croky Chips are apparently a classic, and in this box, we got the bolognese flavour. Think of a cross between beefy crisps and tomato sauce crisps. There is a bit of warmth in there too, but not as much as the Lays crisps. Nice enough, but for me, not as nice as the Joppie crisps.

Next up, Smoeltjes UFO’s, a twin pack of chocolate topped biscuits and what appear to be tiny Smarties. The biscuit part is nice, though the chocolate is claggy as hell, reminding me of the Choc-dips chocolate. It’s also very, very sweet. Definitely a sharing pack!

Ontbijtkoek – a “deliciously tender gingerbread with a surprisingly delicious taste” is the description that does not fit this lump of dry, bread-y cake! It’s apparently a breakfast table favourite, and it might be if you lather it in butter, because otherwise it literally sucks the moisture out of your mouth and leaves a very sour aftertaste. Not nice at all. If you must have something like this, stick to Soreen malt loaf.

Back to chocolate and Droste Pastilles. An orange crisp, this tastes a bit like a Terry’s Chocolate Orange but with more crunch and less flavour. Neither here nor there except that once again, the chocolate is sickly sweet and after one pastille, neither of us could try a second one.

Now these reminded my good lady of the candy tabs that used to be popular when we were children. Of course, these days, they’re candy sticks, but hey ho. The De Smurfen Knetter Sticks were advertised in the leaflet but we actually got some cheeky looking scamp with a crown. Nope, no idea who he is either. Still, the white chocolate sticks are quite nice, with a popping candy centre that’s actually rather pleasant. Again, a bit sickly, but if you like white chocolate, then these are decent.

More chocolate now, and Tony’s Chocolonely. I’m not sure what they’re trying to say here – are they Tony’s? Are they for lonely people to comfort eat? Or is Tony lonely and trying to eat himself into a diabetic coma??? No idea. But what we have here is a bar that tastes suspiciously like a Yorkee bar that’s been impregnated by a wandering Dime bar. This is the best of the chocolate in the box and not, as with others, too sweet.

The canned drink is next as is as exciting as a chocolate milk shake can get. I found it quite bland and my good lady finished the can. For me, slightly flavoured milk just doesn’t cut it.

The Napoleon Framboos were a nice treat – incredibly sticky out of the wrapper but with a lovely, strong raspberry flavour and very sour too. Quite refreshing.

The Hopjes were a delight – hard, coffee flavoured toffee with a caramel aftertaste. They take an age to dissolve but are worth it – just wonderful little sweets and something we’re looking out for to buy in future.

Now we come to our favourite of the box – the Stroopwaffel. A soft, toasted waffle filled with caramel – this was melt in the mouth wonder. Quite heavy on the cinnamon, this was chewy but smooth and as noted, would go extremely well with a cup of coffee. The highlight of the selection – this would have been the perfect end to the tasting session.

But no…

Lastly, the Kaneelkussens, and kussen we were after these little hard sweets of shite. We thought we were in bother when we opened the packet – the cinnamon assault on our noses was almost overpowering. But then we tried them. Think of a taste challenge from Takeshi’s Castle – the person who keeps the sweet in their mouths the longest wins – and for the record, I lost. After only ten seconds or so, I grabbed a tissue and spat out the offending candy, trying (manfully) not to vomit as well. There is just too much cinnamon here and the aftertaste sits at the back of your mouth like something died there.

A genuinely mixed box, there were still some good things in here: the Lays crisps, the Hopjes, the Framboos and the Stroopwafel. The rest were either average, mediocre or just plain nasty. However, it wouldn’t be much fun if everything in the Snack Surprise box was great, so roll on July’s delivery!

Recent Reads - June 2020

A couple of retro gaming related titles this month. One is a take on the familiar guide format that has seen titles such as Nostalgia Nerd's Retro Tech and Evan Amos's The Games Console hit the shelves, whilst the other is the story of Commodore as seen through the eyes of Commodore UK's final Managing Director, David Pleasance.

The title page

Gaming in the Obscure by Johnny Blanchard is first up and is a look at several gaming consoles (and a computer) that, for a variety of reasons, never hit the big time. The hook for this book is that Blanchard owns the systems, which adds an air of authority to the descriptions and views expressed. At 160 pages in length, this permits a decent look at a selection of systems and important software titles for each one. The author has grouped the hardware by console generation, giving a list and a timeline of all of the machines launched in that generation, highlighting the ones he wishes to focus on. Each featured machine gets a brief history, why it failed and tips on collecting them today, along with a selection of games shown by full page screenshots. One thing this book is missing is any text describing those games, but that is a minor niggle. After all, the focus is predominantly on the hardware.

The comments on collecting are really useful.

There are numerous photographs of the machines and these are well taken and presented. Blanchard's writing style is straight forward and easy to follow, and by far the most interesting parts are the comments on owning and collecting these machines. Would-be collectors take note of these, you'll learn some important lessons here. Throughout the text, Blanchard comments on a second volume and this is something I hope he follows up on. Judging by the first, it should be something to look forward to.

Sadly, you can't buy a physical copy of Gaming in the Obscure, but it is available on the Kindle platform. Currently part of the Kindle Unlimited, it is also available for purchase here for the princely sum of £4. Seriously, £4. That is a bargain and even if I were signed up to Unlimited, I would still buy this outright. Overall then, if retro gaming hardware is your thing, this is a highly recommended book. You can follow the author on Twitter here, as well as his YouTube channel here.

Commodore: The Inside Story is part autobiography, part reminiscence. The autobiography is that of David J Pleasance, as noted above, the last co-Managing Director of CBM UK. Starting with a potted history of his early life, it doesn't take long before we reach the 1980's and the author's employment with Commodore. Not that the early years are boring, and Pleasance's writing style is free flowing and engaging enough to make these early sections as interesting as the core of the book. A nice line of humour runs throughout the telling and there are definitely a few instances of "you wouldn't get away with that today" dotted here and there. It also hits the nostalgia button when talking about computer retailing at the time.

That is only the first half of the book though. The second half contains sections by a variety of people linked to Commodore and the Amiga computer. From RJ Mical and Gail Wellington, to Keiron Sumner and Stephen Jones, these reminiscences are packed with anecdotes, memories and little tidbits that bring the (frankly tragic) story of Commodore and the Amiga to life. Each of these add depth to the overall tale and are more than just padding for the word count, giving further insight into the company. In fact, it's nice not to hear from the usual suspects.

And what a story it is too. I'll not go into detail here (buy the book!), but Commodore's corporate behaviour really does make me wonder how they managed to be so successful. Poor people management, even worse financial management and a complete inability to understand the business they were in and the products they were selling; with hindsight there is no surprise at all at the company's failure. This is the crying shame. I, like a couple of million others in the UK alone, never mind the rest of the world, spent our formative years using an Amiga.

I purchased this book from Downtime Publishing. Here, you can buy this title in a number of formats: hardback, e-book and audiobook. There is also a DVD or Blu-Ray option if you prefer. I ordered the hardback and was very pleasantly surprised upon receiving it to find that it had been signed by the author with nice little personal message. It was a lovely little touch. As for the quality of the physical hardback? It's superb. The hard cover itself is reassuringly solid, the binding is tight and the pages themselves are glossy and thick. You will be paying £30 for the physical copy but you're getting a quality tome for it.

Anybody, and I mean anybody who was an Amiga user back in the day, should buy this book. It will give you an understanding as to why Commodore succeeded and failed throughout the years. The same goes for anyone interested in the history of computing in general. Again, you'll learn a lot. I cannot sing the praises of this book highly enough.

This brings me onto the follow up. The author, alongside Trevor Dickinson (owner of A-EON Technology, who currently produce Amiga OS4 powered computers and also the provider of a forward for the first book) have launched a Kickstarter for From Vultures to Vampires, which will follow on from the collapse of Commodore in 1994 to the present day. To say it has been an eventful 25 years for the Amiga platform would be an understatement. After finishing Commodore: The Inside Story, I pledged for a copy of the new book and hopefully it will hit its funding goal. Check it out if it appeals to you.

SeaQuest 2032 (nee-DSV) Season Three

Well, we made it. It was only thirteen episodes, but my good lady and I finally made it. We have finished watching the last of seaQuest. She was relieved, I was a little saddened. Why? Let me explain, gentle reader...

After the dumpster fire that was season two, the network was not a happy bunny. If the show were to come back, changes would have to be made. Much like the period between the first two seasons, cast changes were announced.

Scheider was out. After publicly calling the show garbage in press interviews, he had proven he wasn't impressed at all with the direction of the show and his contract was terminated, but with one proviso: three guest appearances to be included in the shorter 13 episode run. Who to replace him? Michael Ironside as Captain Oliver Hudson, and I can think of nobody better.

Initially reluctant to take on the role, Ironside fought for changes to the tone of the show and how some aspects would be addressed, including the right not to speak to the talking dolphin. The show would be more realistic, with darker storylines and losing a lot of the fantastical filler that littered the previous season. The producers agreed to this and the new captain was on board. Really, he is the best thing in the show and it is slightly embarrassing watching him out-act pretty much everyone else on-screen.

Elise Neal comes in playing hotshot sub pilot J J Fredericks, who throughout the season was given little much to do and only really seemed to get more screen time in the later episodes. However, with only 13 of them and a reduced budget, some cast members had to go. With realism coming in, telepaths were out and Rosalind Allen with them. Also out was Marco Sanchez, who wanted to return but was told no due to the reduced casting budget. One noticeable thing is that neither cast member is referred to after the first episode - in fact, they're pretty much dismissed in a couple of lines, so eager is the show to prove it is not the old seaQuest.

To freshen up the show a bit and set the scene for more conflict, the decision was made to set the show ten years after the events of the season two cliffhanger. I quite like this as they can demonstrate the effects of global warming and therefore give a genuine reason for the UEO to exist considering the loss of land to the rising sea level.

With a greater sense of continuity between episodes, recurring guest actors were brought in to play the bad guys of the piece: Tim DeKay as multi-billionaire Larry Deon, Ralph Wilcox as Deon's henchman Mason Freeman and Michael York as President Alexander Bourne of Macronesia. Each are suitably slimy in their roles, even if York is a little too... nice, even when playing bad, to be really evil. I think he's playing the role a little too seriously to hit the right tone.

Story wise, we're pretty much into realistic conflicts and problems, with a bit of character back story spread here and there, and it only truly gets a bit too silly with a time travel episode involving the Cuban Missile Crisis - Lucas seems to have become an expert on the theory and practicality of time travel in about five seconds, a total reverse from his thoughts in the time travel ep of season two. Playing it straight this time around doesn't help that much either.

Maybe that's the issue with this season - they're trying to be serious but there is still a level of goofiness and humour that doesn't sit well with the aim of each episode. It's much better than season two in my eyes, though my good lady was not as enamoured. Then again, season two...

Some points of note then:

• Henderson pretty much makes her way around the crew - ok, I get it, she's one of only two women in the main cast, but she's portrayed as such a vamp that it's amazing she's not got the stamp yet.

• Scheider wasn't the only returning cast member - John D'Aquino pops up as Ben Krieg in a drama heavy ep, but is pretty much wasted. At least when Scheider drops in, you get some gravitas, treating the character of Bridger much more seriously than before. It's actually quite good when he does appear and adds a level of conflict between him, Hudson and Lucas.

• Sea is the new space, with sub fighters and lasers and all that jazz. Physics takes a back seat here but it's entertaining enough if you don't think about it too much. The same can be said for the runaway Maglev train story - those people should have been jam when that thing stopped, as inertia will kill you.

• The writers seem to think all men are emotionally stunted and can't discuss their feelings with people they're supposed to be in relationships with - that gets tiring quickly, especially as one half of the couple is usually Henderson.

• I don't know if they were aiming for it specifically, but Lucas, now he's getting older, doesn't half come across as a bit of a shouty prick in a lot of stories. Serious and edgy, maybe, but prick-ish nonetheless.

• The music for this season sucks. The incidental stuff in individual episodes veers from 1930's to '60's, then to a terrible run of 80's synth. And that theme tune - think Hallmark Christmas movie crossed with SyFy movie of the week. Just terrible and totally at odds with the tone of the show.

• The show is not afraid to demonstrate its seriousness by killing off main cast members. Two die by the end of the run but this is a double edged sword. One was a long established (if still not entirely well rounded) character and their death should have resonated with the viewer. Except it doesn't, as we find out more about that person's background in the mourning scenes than we ever did in nearly thirty episodes of him actually interacting with people. As for the other death, it's a similar tale, though as they only had a dozen episodes to develop and most chances there were squandered, their passing was met with a resounding "meh" in TIT Towers.

And yet, despite all that, I'm actually quite fond of seaQuest 2032. Yeah, it's trashy, illogical and, at times, downright silly, but the tone of the show suits the concept of seaQuest in a much better way than either of the previous seasons. Part of me can't help but think that given a full season, this might have made it to re-commissioning. Then again, with the baggage of its original premise and the follow up, probably not. This show would never have made it into a list of sci-fi TV greats - as much as it tried to emulate Trek, it was trying to garner too much of a general audience to appeal to genre fans, then stepped too far in to the genre market to maintain any broader acceptance. What the third outing demonstrated, was that, with a little care and attention, this just might have worked. Final verdict then: seaQuest 2032 is a decent "first season" outing - six, veering to a seven out of ten, but couldn't save a show in it's third, as viewers, much like my good lady, had had enough. That, in my view, is a pity.

The Blaze Evercade

The Starter Pack and 7 additional cartridges.

The Blaze Evercade originally fell into the "wait and see" category when I first heard about it, as I had owned a couple of  Blaze products in the past and hadn't been overly impressed with them. Yet, as early YouTube reviews appeared, it started to grow on me. The reviews were actually decent - noting issues here and there, but on the whole, I got a very positive impression of the device. My only bugbear was the seemingly spongy d-pad that I took an immediate, if unwarranted, dislike to because of the videos. In the end, though, I took the plunge and pre-ordered the Starter Pack and the other 8 cartridges available at the time.

Delivered by what seemed to be the world's cheeriest postman at 7am last Saturday morning, I quickly disposed of the delivery packaging to reveal this:

Are you not excited by this?

The box is good quality and well designed. It reminds me very much of '80's and '90's console packaging that screams about the hardware and software, leaving you without any doubts as to what you're going to get. True, it's quite "busy" but I think it's a good design for the Evercade. The outer sleeve slides off easily and reveals the console box itself which is more restrained. Opening that box reveals the console in a plastic insert and a small Quick Start Guide. Beneath that is the included game cartridge (Namco Museum Collection 1) and a USB to micro-USB cable for charging. No plug adapter is included but it's likely you'll already have at least a few of those dotted around the house. Nor is a mini-HDMI to HDMI cable included either, so you'll need to buy one if you want to use the Evercade with a TV. One last thing to note, the plastic trays in the box are cheap but do the job, though a far cry from the quality of the cardboard packaging.

I can't fault the design...

...though the plastic trays are cheap.

Out of the box, what does the Evercade offer? A 4.3 inch screen, four main buttons (A, B, X and Y), Select, Start and Menu buttons, and left and right shoulder buttons. On the whole, these feel quite good, though the shoulder buttons do feel a little light but give a decent click when pressed. The d-pad is large and actually very good. Certainly any fears I had prior to using it have gone and I find it works very well. Some have commented about the gameplay button layout, leading to a firmware patch to remap them. That's a personal choice but I'm happy with the way it comes out of the box. Around the device, you have a power switch, cartridge port, micro-USB for charging, mini-HDMI for TV display, a 3.5mm headphone jack and volume buttons. There are also a pair of speakers  on the front that provide decent stereo sound.

Start up screen.

The console itself is well built and quite sturdy, measuring approximately 18cm x 8cm x 2cm. It's not overly heavy at 250g and fits nicely into your hands. The plastic is not textured though, so may get a bit slippy.

The screen, certainly on the highest brightness, is well suited to sunlit rooms. whilst on the low setting, it's very comfortable for playing in darkened areas. The screen ratio in games is usually 4:3 as that's their original ratio, which leaves black borders on either edge of the display, but full screen can be selected from the in game menu, as can save and load states for each title. A note of the full screen option - this appears to just stretch the image across the full width of the display that makes a lot of the titles look just plain wrong, so for me, the correct aspect ratio would be the original 4:3 for a lot of titles. Whilst I am on the subject of the screen, the viewing angles from either side are okay, but the vertical angles are pretty poor - not that this is much of a problem as this is a single player system, regardless of whether the titles offer two player options.

The screen is very nice.

The Starter Pack comes with one cartridge, the Namco Museum Collection 1, containing 11 titles. These include PAC-MAN, Galaxian, Dig Dug and Xevious. This is without doubt the best cart to pack in with the console. Given who it is aimed for, these four titles will evoke a heavy sense of nostalgia and draw you in straight away. As for the rest of the titles on this cart, most I hadn't heard of but Star Luster is a forgotten classic in my humble opinion. I also ordered all of the available cartridges at the same time as the console and, as with Namco 1, whilst there were some titles I was familiar with, there were many I wasn't and discovering these was a joy in itself. Several additional cartridges have been announced for the Evercade, taking the total up to 14 at the time of writing and more are planned. These include two Atari Lynx Collections, The Oliver Twins Collection (which not only supports the excellent National Videogame Museum, but also brings back several Dizzy titles), and a Xeno Crisis/Tanglewood double pack, evidence that the Evercade could be a good home to Indie developers as well.

It would be remiss of me not to mention the cartridge packaging. It's lovely. It holds the cartridge securely and the included colour manual for each cartidge provides instructions and a bit of history for the individual games. They are a nice touch and take me back to a time when packaging actually meant something. I don't know about you, but games manuals were often as important (and entertaining) as the games. The cases also look great on the shelf too...

Console gaming how it used to be.

The manuals are very polished and a lovely touch.

Sorry, Bazcardz, you'll have to move when more carts arrive...

Downsides? Well, I would like to see a better quality screen cover, glass instead of plastic. This is a handheld and people will travel with it. I wouldn't feel comfortable shoving this in a rucksack without the accompanying carry case which, by the way, I haven't bought. Battery life could be a smidge better - four hours just doesn't seem quite enough but it's not a major problem either. The only other issue is the cartridge slot itself - it's very tight to fit the carts in and taking them out can result in some worrying creaking from the body of the console, depending on how you leverage the cart out. Evercade have said that it gets looser with use (Oh, Matron!), but I can't help but think that there could have been an alternative mechanism used other than friction. Oh well, it's not a deal breaker and just means you have to take a bit of care, which is no bad thing.

So having played with this for a week, I am happy with the Evercade. The design and build quality are very good and the games selection is varied and entertaining. True, it can be a bit hit and miss depending on the cartridge but let's be honest here, how many compilations (be it music, games or whatever) have you bought where every title was to your liking? The current range of titles covers an awful lot of retro gaming and as noted above, there are plans for several more. Certainly, I get the impression that they're in it for the long run. With the control layout, there would be no issues with games from systems as modern(!) as the Amiga CD32 and the 3DO being released, and I am sure the Evercade could handle those with ease. I would love to see the likes of Guardian and Star Fighter 3000!

You can order the Evercade from Funstock.co.uk, Argos and Amazon. If you are a retro gaming fan and like the idea of a portable console that covers legally emulated games, then have a look at this. For the price, £59.99 for the starter pack, it's a lovely little system and one that I hope to see supported for a long time to come.

Pixel Bison - a new gaming magazine

This, gentle reader, is Pixel Bison. Written and published by Andrew McMaster, Pixel Bison is a new monthly magazine that aims to cover the vibrant Indie games scene, with a dash of AAA and retro gaming for good measure.

You may be wondering why bother, as hadn't magazines died a death because of the Internet??? Well, no, not quite. True, we're nowhere near the heady days of Amiga Format boasting sales of 200k a month plus, but there are still some gaming and gaming related magazines out there: Edge, Wireframe and Retrogamer spring to mind. Even the niche hobby of historical wargaming supports three titles, so there is a demand for paper based mags. And it is a niche that Pixel Gamer is aiming for, with the aforementioned focus on Indie gaming. You won't find this in any newsagents though, only on the Pixel Bison website, where the first issue can be purchased now and subscriptions are available.

An A5 publication, there are 44 pages including front and back covers and only a modicum of advertising. At a cost of £4.99 plus postage, this isn't a cheap publication, but then the quality that money buys is evident as soon as you pick it up. The cover is glossy and thick, high grade paper has been used for the pages and everything has a sheen. Money was not skimped on the publishing, nor, incidentally, on the binding. This has been printed as a keeper, not something you'd put into the recycling when finished with. If you prefer a digital only copy, then that will set you back £3.00.

I won't list the contents - you see what's in the mag from the excellent cover. Inside, the articles are well written and informative, photographs and screen shots are superb and space isn't wasted, which is always a nice thing to see. The interviews are varied and noteworthy in the stories they tell, and I am really looking forward to the continuing interviews with former Lionhead staff. In addition, the style used for the previews and reviews is straight forward and personable, demonstrating the author's enjoyment of his task. I have no complaints at all about the content.

In fact, I have no complaints about the magazine. It is something new and a bit different, and I hope it long continues. Indeed, I have purchased a six month subscription (list price £37.99 including postage. 12 months is £69.99). True, mainstream magazines are cheaper, but they don't offer what Pixel Bison does, so I'm happy to pay up.

If you have an interest is videogames then this is a publication I urge you to check out, as having finished the first issue, I highly recommend it.

SeaQuest DSV - Season Two

The most important goal of a TV show's first season? Get the renewal! In the cut and thrust world of US TV shows, that's a hefty ambition. No, seriously, some US shows get cancelled after as few as two or three episodes, so making it to the end of your initial run can be a challenge in itself and the sun-lit uplands of year two can feel like the search for the Holy Grail. Sometimes though, it's easier than that as network's have so much invested in a show that, even if the first outing was disappointing, the show will get a second swing of the bat. And so it was with seaQuest DSV...

There were changes from season one, though. Quite a few changes. And whereas season one struggled to find its own identity, season two very quickly does - it's the one with the Groucho Marx glasses, nose and moustache kit...

Season one was expensive. The outdoor shoots at Malibu beach were costly and complicated to arrange so a change in filming venue was required to fit the budget. Since Florida offered good tax incentives, off they went. This was a problem for some of the cast as they didn't want to leave California (and why not, that's where future work would be), so according to what I have read, Stacey Haiduk and John D'Aquino walked. Stephanie Beacham had apparently already decided to leave and Royce D Applegate was booted off as not being right for the audience they were aiming for - again, so I have read. This led to replacement cast members.

Edward Kerr is Lt. James Brody - more beefcake for the ladies and a younger replacement for Crocker. Kathy Evison is Lt Lonnie Henderson - toothsome in the extreme and pretty much stuck in a vest top for many an episode - she replaces Hitchcock. We also have Rosalind Allen as thinking man's totty replacement for Beacham, Dr Wendy Smith. She's also psychic. Yeah, we have telepaths now. Who would have thunk it? Michael DeLouise is Seaman Anthony Piccolo - who happens to have surgically added gills(!) and Peter DeLouise is Dagwood, a Dagger or GELF (Genetically Engineered Lifeform). In case you missed it (hint: you didn't), there is a race of genetically modified beings called Daggers that play an important part in the Season Two opener. The upshot is that all of these characters are younger than their predecessors (as well as supporting the extended DeLouise family by keeping them in work).

Not all of the cast went for the younger look though, with Scheider now sporting a neat beard for most of the episodes (which due to showing order shenanigans, comes and goes in the latter part of the season). What can be said is that as the season progresses, you can see some of the cast looking particularly bored and sick of their jobs. So much so that Kerr stormed off the set of one episode and Scheider's press interviews during the show's production are a fine example of someone who wants out and doesn't care how it happens.

With the change in filming location, there was more room for outdoor shooting and, to be fair, they do get out and about a lot more. Whereas season one might be remembered for being mostly dark, season two has a lot of time set outdoors and in the sunshine. This is both good and bad. Good, because, you know, outdoors, greater filming opportunities and the like. Bad, because this is supposedly set in 2021 and feels at times like a bad episode of Baywatch Nights, 90's fashion and all. There is only a token attempt at making you believe that your actually in the next century, and even then, it's not that convincing, with the odd tacked on bit of plastic to disguise 1995 objects. The cheap accessory vibe from season one (remember the motorcycle astronaut helmets) continues where in one episode, a video device is blatantly a pocket calculator where even the button colours have not changed. In addition, outdoor scenes with CGI added look terrible.

Stories are what make a show and by God, they scraped a barrel or two for this one. The first two episodes cover the origins of the Daggers and acts as a re-boot for the show. Where science is mentioned, it's usually complete and utter bobbins. And with crap science and re-used underwater shots, it's quite boring and does not bode well for the series...

We have the return of the aliens from season one, time travel with added dire CGI robots and a complete lack of care over whether they actually explain anything that happens in the episode - their explanation of time travel is hilariously bad. We have a human (with gills) and a dolphin swimming at 12,700 feet below the surface. Ok... Bridger being only 49? Hard paper round there, Nathan lad. AI conflict where the computer is beaten by emotion, killer plants (think a cross between Little Shop of Horrors and the Triffids - a bad SyFy movie is better than that), and a retelling of the Frankenstein tale with Daggers. Giant crocodiles that appear with crap didgeridoo music (must have learned that from Darwin's f**king pan pipes!) and then a story about Atlantis! Another alien story, effectively a "homage" to Aliens which seriously should have had lawyers at the ready, a telepathic take over story with ear grinding 80's synth music (I just... yeah... no) and then Greek Gods appear, though this show now gives so little of a toss now that they use the Roman names and even the script points out how silly the whole story is. Oh, and when possessed, the characters sound like the Honey Monster - this made it pure comedy gold, at least for three seconds anyway...

More god-possession pops up, a Predator rip off story that, again, should have had lawyers baying at the doors, and then more aliens, though this time they abduct the sub and crew, leading to a limp cliffhanger at the end of the season.

The nadir of the season is the Greek Gods episode but that's kind of like saying the fourth cowpat you've trod in on a country walk is the worst of the dozen you'll end up standing on. Whilst season one showed promise, season two is just diabolically bad in pretty much every sense and even episodes with a hint of quality soon get the memo and return to badly produced and written trash. At least they had good guests stars like the first season...

Well, no. We get the excellent value Kent McCord back for a few episodes, and Mark Hamill drops by, looking (and acting) like they had to sedate him to finish filming. And Dom DeLouise also pops up as Tony's dad - just what is it with the DeLouise's? Are they like entertainment mafia??? As for the rest of the guest stars? Never heard of them though have seen a couple in Murder She Wrote. Some act like they're just off Sunset Beach, others like they're the Dame in Panto season. I've not seen that much over the top action since the final episode of Blackadder goes Forth! And one guest actress, in the Greek Gods ep, is supposed to be a singer. The poor lady cannot act, sing or mime playing the guitar but hey, since this is the show that reckons the Ancient Greeks were around just one thousand years ago, all I can say is "Gan on, Bonny lass, the viewers have made it this far, be a shame to surprise them with quality performances now".

Finally, we have the factoid bits at the end of each episode, only these are now in an aquatic park and have various members of the cast talking about sea life. I miss Bob, and his soulless hostage eyes. At least he could do a piece to camera whereas some of the cast are distinctly poor at it.

In watching this show, my good lady and I decided an adequate scoring system for each episode would be the FML tally - where something happens or is said that generates the response FML. The lowest scoring was four. The highest (yep, the Greek Gods one) was eight. I don't recall a season one ep getting a single FML. That's how bad this season is.

And yet...

You thought I was going to say something nice there, weren't you? Well, no. It's pap. SeaQuest took a further dive into the ratings during this run and I can really see why. It appears neither the writers nor the producers actually gave a sh*t and were just collecting the paycheck. This is a shame as whilst the first run of the show had issues, they were not insurmountable and could have resulted in a program that would anchor a network's ratings. Despite that, a third season was commissioned. Oh dear lord...