Was That Film Really That Bad??? Johnny Mnemonic

Ah, the early 1990's. That time when the Net/Information Superhighway was the bright new future of communication, learning and even society itself, instead of just porn. Hollywood wasn't slow to pick up on this (the society bit, not the porn!) what with such cinematic gems as "The Net", "Lawnmower Man", "Virtuosity" and "Hackers", all of which tried to show the public their own vision of a cyber future. If you've not heard of any of those, check them out (but beware that the 90's was a different country, they did things differently there...), and there will be a future post on Hackers when I get round to watching it. But whilst cinema was catching up, some authors had already forged names for themselves in the sub-genre of cyber-fiction. First and foremost of these is William Gibson, whose debut novel "Neuromancer" remains a seminal work of fiction, science or otherwise. It is one of his short stories that we're going to be looking at today, one that Gibson himself expanded into a cinematic release: Johnny Memenic... Memomic... Memenenenic... Mahna Mahna do do do do do, Mahna Mahna do do do do...

Apologies, enough of that earworm.

It's Johnny Mnemonic.

This makes it look far better than it is.

Released in 1995, Johnny Mnemonic stars a young Keanu Reeves as the titular character, an underground data courier tasked with moving illegally obtained data from Beijing to Newark (That’s the place in New Jersey, not the one on Trent with the National Civil War Centre and the Air Museum – the film’s first fatal flaw!). This data, concerning a life threatening condition that affects users of the virtual reality based internet (which is pretty much everyone), is property of a large corporation that will stop at nothing to get it back (it’s the only copy left after the people who stole the data deleted the original). Chased by the Yakuza and a bible-thumping mercenary (Dolph Lundgren), Mnemonic must survive their efforts and download the data in his head before he suffers brain damage and death. That’s pretty much the plot. Oh, and if you need background to all of this, there is a handy explainer at the very beginning of the film. Outside of Star Wars (and even that’s on dodgy ground), any movie that has to have a scrolling exposition at the start to tell audiences what they’re watching has storytelling issues. It’s also extremely po-faced.

Someone's aiming for a GCSE in exposition...

With a budget of $26 million ($43m in 2020), this was initially supposed to be a low budget art-house film that film exec’s hyped up (and suitably budgeted) into a mid-range release. Given its final box office score of $52m ($86m in 2020), the film was not a terrible box office disappointment though it didn’t review well at the time, hence the poor reputation today. I quite liked it back then (when getting online was limited to the computers in college – no home access for me), so thought a re-watch was in order. And yes, it has dated badly…

I can guarantee this will not be the Internet in 2021

Oh boy! Dated? Ok, the idea of using your brain to transport 80GB of data is not that silly. In fact, as a secure storage medium, the idea has legs (so to speak). No, what comes across as silly is the amount of data concerned. With a limit of 80GB, doubled to 160GB (remember when you could get RAM and hard drive storage doublers???) then stretched to 320GB, Reeves’ head holds less than a mid-range laptop. Hell, a 512GB SD card can be had for less than £40 these days. Okay, this is an easy target, as almost every depiction of the future gets it wrong, though I will give Johnny Mnemonic kudos for portraying city wide riots by masked civilians in 2021 (just a year out but hey, things ain’t changing...). The film’s depiction of online access is, of course, suitably twee and CGI overload, also totally ignoring any kind of user friendly interface or even plain user experience planning. OK, that’s a bit of a professional opinion here, but it’s a bugbear of mine when I see people navigate overly complex interfaces or take multiple button presses to complete simple tasks (I’m looking at you, SeaQuest – poor Ted Raimi must had had callouses just to turn on a screen!). Keep It Simple, Stupid is a very worthy principle.

Very... 90's...

Anyhoo, the film, and it is your standard chase flick with a slightly different setting. A grey setting, to be sure. You see, whilst it goes for dark and moody, the lighting is all over the place. Scenes that should be dark are well-lit, and others that should be well lit are submerged in grey. What you can see, when it’s visible, is very obviously a mid 90’s take on what the future should look like, which in this case is pretty much just like the mid 90’s. The direction is also poor, with action scenes lacking any kinetic energy (or sense of place - Keanu has a fight in a bathroom whilst another fight happens in the next room yet the two are totally disconnected), and the special effects, outside of that twee online stuff are suitably bad (including the projection work). The less said about the CGI fight/experience/brain melting mess at the climax of the film, the better. Things are not improved by Gibson’s woeful script, trying to sound like an edgier action movie from the late 80’s/early 90’s but failing badly at it. Lines that should have sparkled just limp out of the actors mouths. Expanding a novella in to a feature film hasn’t helped things here either and you end up watching the credits thinking that, although it was supposed to be a tale of the future, it’s all just complete bobbins, mother AI and all. But surely, you say, fine acting can save any film from these issues?

Still not the Internet in 2021 but with added VR gloves

Look, it’s easy to criticise Reeves for his acting career – aside from a few big (and I mean hugely successful) roles, he doesn’t get to show much range – and even then, you’re limited to Bill and Ted, Speed, Point Break, The Matrix and the John Wick series. Outside of those movies, well, it’s not good. True, his portrayal of Mnemonic isn’t as bad as his turn in Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula (say that quickly five times!), but it’s not far off. The issue here is that Reeves doesn’t have any real character to play with. That’s the writing and the directing but still, he doesn’t come off great here. Personally, I think he was miscast but if we’re going for positives, maybe the best that can be said is that he’s at good playing a blank slate…

As for the rest of the cast, Dina Meyer gives it some welly as Jane, Henry Rollins is ok as Spider whilst both Takeshi Kitano and Denis Akiyama are suitably solemn as the bad guys. But there are a trio of cast members who define this film and how bad it is.

Ice-T gets the first mention – he’s terrible. I know that I said Reeves doesn’t show much range, but at least he has one. Ice-T plays only one character, and that’s Ice-T. His delivery is stilted and lines crash into every scene he’s in. Even when he’s trying to act hard, he comes across just like next door’s toddler would when trying to trash talk you.

Hey, man! Did you just drop one?

Then we have Udo Kier, a prolific German actor who for several years between 1993 and 2019 managed to get up to seven (7!) film credits per year! Now I have no problem with the guy working hard, but that does mean he’s starred in some absolute shite, and it’s no different here. The thing is, he’s not that bad in the actual film, just that his presence on a cast list pretty much tells you what to expect. As an aside, he’s in 2001’s “All the Queen’s Men” a WW2 action comedy where four male Allied agents infiltrate an all-women factory that produces Enigma machines. I never knew this existed and now I wish to see it just for the premise alone. His stand out performance, for me, remains Yuri in Command and Conquer Red Alert 2.

All the Queen's Men - not JM related but hey, it's LeBlanc!

Finally, we have Dolph Lundgren. Yes, he of Universal Soldier fame (and a Masters in Chemical Engineering, which I never knew before now!). He plays a religious zealot hitman and by God, it’s over the top. Think of the most ludicrous Panto dame you have ever seen, coke that lady up to the hilt and then start feeding her acid, and you might just approach what can only be described as an extraordinary piece of acting. It’s gloriously bad but also, at the same time, a marvellous performance. Not good for the film, but it sure makes watching it all the more enjoyable. Sad to say, this was Lundgren’s last cinema release until 2010’s The Expendables – all other efforts were direct to video efforts aside from a cameo in 2004’s Fat Slags. Yes, those Fat Slags. Yeah…

"Jesus" wept...

... and still weeping.

Is there anything else to criticise this film for? Erm, yeah – a dolphin. They have a tanked up crypto-enabled dolphin that neatly fits into the plot like I do in a Wilkinson-Sword advert. Plus it’s another on-screen dolphin that just annoys the crap out of me (think Flipper and bloody Darwin!). The last good TV dolphin said so long and thanks for all the fish way back in 1981.

So, Johnny Mnemonic, good film or bad? Well, it’s certainly not good, though if you watched this as a teenager, you might have a certain nostalgia for the look and style. Not for me though, as there are too many casting, production and stylistic flaws for that. It’s definitely worth a re-watch but more as a curio in the genre of “Internet” films of the period. In no way, however, does that make it a good film. 

Recent gaming pick-ups

One of the advantages of living where I do is the relative close proximity of Games Galaxy. I have mentioned this emporium before but it bears repeating that this is one of the finest retro gaming shops I have ever visited. The owner and staff are friendly and knowledgeable, there is a ton of stock (seriously, their PC Engine range is just silly!) and it's not all retro-gaming either. The fact that this is on my doorstep, so to speak, is an added bonus. So much so that over the last couple of weekends, my good lady and I have ventured out to Consett and called in to the shop. Here's what I picked up.

First up is Outrun 2006: Coast 2 Coast for the PSP. Released in 2006, this is a corking arcade racer and worthy of continuing the illustrious Outrun series. Developed by the ever-dependable (and that is not meant as damning faint praise either, I meant that entirely as a compliment) Sumo Digital, this is a brilliant racer, with enough thrills and spills to draw you in, as well as enough content to keep you playing. That is something that cannot always be said about arcade titles. With Outrun 2006, you have 13 cars, 30 tracks and wireless play for up to 8 people. Whilst the latter is wasted on me, I have been enjoying the game immensely. As you can see, it looks lovely on the PSP’s screen and, alongside Ridge Racer, is for me the pinnacle of easy to pick up/hard to master racing games on the PSP.

Still looks brilliant 14 years on.

Still on the PSP, we have Field Commander, a turn-based tactical game by Altus. Released in 2006, this title features 30 missions with 36 different unit types and a built-in map editor. I remember playing this the first time I had a PSP and still had a save on the memory card. After a couple of hours with that, I did the decent thing and started from the beginning again, to truly appreciate the challenge. And challenging it certainly is. Fun too, and if you like this sort of title, you’ll soon find yourself engrossed in some of the more complex missions. It was a nice little find.

Next up is a PlayStation 2 launch title, Kessen. Meaning “Decisive Battle”, this is a real-time tactical game set in feudal Japan. Boasting an impressive (for its day) 100 plus characters on-screen at one time, several different troop types and multiple game views, this was heady stuff for console gaming in 2000. I’ve not had much of a chance to really get into this game yet but what I can say is that the best part so far is the soundtrack – it’s superb. The benefit of great music for the atmosphere of a title as “Japanese” as Kessen cannot be overstated. Upon release, there were criticisms that it veered away from historical accuracy, but to be honest, I don’t know enough about that period of Japan’s history. Having said that, having played this briefly, I’ve now got a couple of books on my Amazon wish-list to change that situation. Who said games can’t promote education? Whilst it looks simplistic now, it more than held its own back in the day and if you have a PS2 (or an emulator), look out for a copy. Incidentally, Games Galaxy also had Kessen 2 and 3 in stock, and part of me thinks it was a mistake not to pick those up as well. Oh well, just means another trip is on the cards…

The final couple of titles are old favourites, Broken Sword 2: The Smoking Mirror for the PlayStation and Broken Sword: The Sleeping Dragon for the PlayStation 2. If you have never played any of the Broken Sword series of (mostly) point and click adventure games then you’re missing a treat. Following the adventures of American tourist (and patent lawyer) George Stobbart and French journalist Nico Collard, you guide them on tales of mystery and daring do across several continents. Broken Sword 2 was the surprisingly good follow up to the first title, in itself a landmark title. I say surprisingly as usually most sequels fall a little flat, but in my opinion, BS2 is very much the equal of the first. The jokes are just as funny, the puzzles are still as infuriating (at times), and everything is still wrapped up in the loving warmth of the late Barrington Pheloung’s amazing music plus the brilliant vocal work of Rolf Saxon as George. 

Mayan gods this time instead of Knights Templar

Broken Sword: The Sleeping Dragon was a change for the series, moving into 3D territory for the first time and losing the point and clock control scheme. I originally playing this title on the X-Box but that’s since long gone and to be honest, I never fully completed it. Picking up this PS2 copy brought back some great, and not so great, memories and I shall get to the end this time! That is not to say it’s not a fun game to play, it really is good, but if you’re a fan of the original titles (or the two following sequels), then this might be a step too far for you.

Much more moodier and darker this time.

A decent haul from a cracking little shop. If you’re into videogaming in any way, you’d be hard pushed to not find something that catches your eye (and probably your bank card too) at Games Galaxy. I know for my next visit, I’ll be looking for the Kessen sequels and maybe a few more from my list of PSP games I want to add to an ever growing collection.

Was that film really that bad??? Sahara (2005)

After the really, really bad experience from the filming of Raise the Titanic, it took over twenty five years before another attempt was made to adapt a Clive Cussler novel for the silver screen. Sahara, published in 1992, was the book chosen and it was given a fairly hefty budget of $160 million ($211m in 2020). It ended up being one of the biggest box-office bombs of all time. I loved it when I first saw it and despite its reputation of being a stinker, wanted to give it a re-watch to see if my opinion then still holds today.

The poster does not lack for confidence.

As a big-budget action adventure comedy movie, there is a suitably starry cast, with Matthew McConaughey playing Dirk Pitt, Steve Zahn as Al Giordino (already, this film is much closer to Cussler’s novel than Raise the Titanic ever was), Penelope Cruz as World Health Organisation Dr Eva Rojas, William H. Macy as Admiral James Sandecker and Rainn Wilson as Rudy Gunn. The bad guys are played by Lambert Wilson, as corrupt businessman Yves Massarde, and Lennie James as General Zateb Kazim. We also get the ever great Delroy Lindo as US government agent, Carl.

This is not a comment on actors and film production...

The plot is pretty straight forward. NUMA are in Mali recovering sunken treasures for museum display whilst Rojas is there investigating a new disease that is threatening the population. When Pitt saves Rojas from an attack whilst at the same time learning of tales of a missing Confederate ironclad, he and Giordino agree to transport Rojas and her colleague so that they can investigate the source of the disease and the two adventurers can look for the legendary ship. Along the way, they discover that Massarde is using a solar tower to burn toxic waste which is causing the disease and is in cahoots with General Kazim, who is running his own little civil war against the Taureg. Along the way, Pitt and Giordino discover the Confederate ironclad which they use in a rather silly way to kill Kazim, thus ending the civil war. Massarde gets his comeuppance and Pitt, Giordino and NUMA carry on with hints that there are more adventures to come. Except there won’t be, but I’ll get to that.

At heart, Sahara is a big dumb action movie that wants you to like it. Starting off with a breezy credits scene set to “Right Place, Wrong Time” by Dr John that details the pair’s previous adventures, you know straight away that it’s going to be ever so slightly goofy, and indeed, that is what it is. Despite the peril set up by the world threatening pollution caused by Massarde’s industrial plant, you never get the feeling our heroes are really in any danger – and yes, that includes the land yacht scene. Even typing that brings a smile to my face as I really do love this film. So why did it bomb and why so hard?

Making the best of a plane crash - again, no comment on movie production...

$160m was a lot of money back then (it’s not exactly small change now!) and it would have taken a breakout box office performance to justify a sequel. Truth is, they spent a lot of money making this film when they could, and perhaps should, have spent an awful lot less. There was money spent on scenes that were not included in the finished run time, as well as money wasted on numerous scriptwriters (each one adding about half a mil to the production budget) as Cussler, who had been promised final say on script, actors etc, becoming more aggravated at the direction of the film. In the end, he disowned it for not getting his own way - but in my humble opinion, he'd been paid well, had the promise of future films getting him $10m per movie and should have just left it at that. But hey ho... 

After gaining the whiff of failure from its first weekend's box office, Sahara couldn’t cover its budget or its distribution costs, leading to a loss of about $73m (although some sources go up to $105m). That’s when the lawsuits started, with Cussler and the production company spending the next seven (yes, seven!) years accusing each other of bad faith and each side claiming damages. Needless to say, neither side came out smelling of roses. 

So, the re-watch. Yes, I still love this film. It’s a goofy, silly, funny two hours of action. However, I did notice the flaws a bit more this time. Let’s start with the casting.

McConaughey is great as Pitt, confident and self-assured, quick with a quip and handy with the physicality the role requires. Unlike the previous occupant in the role, McConaughey’s enthusiasm for the role shines on the screen. Zahn is good as Giordino, that can’t be denied, and he nails the comedy sidekick vibe throughout the film whilst also appearing serious when he needs to be. He’s further away from his literary counterpart than Pitt is, but that makes no difference on-screen. The pair gel well and are a hoot together.

Macy as Sandecker is further away from the original book character but the film moves him from a desk job and into actual command of NUMA’s sole ship, so the change in character does work as far as the film goes. Wilson is also good as Gunn, though to be honest, he’s not given that much to do. Cruz gives it her best, but has little chemistry with McConaughey and is basically there to be rescued, whereas Lindo’s screen time is limited but what he does get, he serves it up with a twinkle in his eye.

It is the antagonists that are the most poorly drawn. If you’re going to have an action comedy then you need the foils to your heroes to be lively and able to spark off against them. Instead, two great actors are left in the lurch, Lambert being suitably slimy and sleazy as Massarde but also extremely two dimensional, whereas James is frankly wasted as Kazim, being more pantomime than military psychopath. For this, I am placing the blame on Breck Eisner, the director. This was only his second film gig (outside of his thesis) and his follow up film work has been suitably lacklustre. This film has its moments, to be sure, but there is a lack of spirit and style. I never really noticed it before - McConaughey's sheer presence does hide most of it - but when Pitt is not on screen, there is an almost visible sag in the film. This continues with the action scenes, lacking as they are a certain pzazz and that is the fault of the director. To the film’s credit, there is a lack of CGI that is a refreshing change, but also bumped up the cost.

See, some people were happy with the movie...

Overall, I still think Sahara is a great film and you’d do far worse than to give it two hours of your time. It’s not ground breaking, or part of a cinematic franchise that the producers so wanted to create (there was even a third person action video game that I remember being featured in Edge magazine 137 but alas, the failure of the film put paid to it ever being finished), but that shouldn’t take away from the fact that it’s entertaining and just plain fun. Where it fell down was in spending far too much money for this kind of movie, and it lacks a lot of spectacle that $160m should buy. Then again, even if the film had cost a more reasonable (for the period) $100m, it would still have turned a loss, though nowhere near as big as it actually did. As it stands, it’s both an example of profligate spending scuppering box office success and a fantastic popcorn movie.