Was That Film Really That Bad??? DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)

It's the early noughties and a good ten years since videogames movies started hitting the multiplexes. You're a producer looking for a new hit movie to appeal to the increasingly large videogame fan market and you want a reasonable chance of a financial return. Mario flopped in the early 90's, the two Angelina Jolie-starring Tomb Raiders did OK but signs were not promising for any future follow ups and Resident Evil managed to be quite the success despite not really appealing to fans of the actual games. What do you do? Well, you look at what made Resi work and you look at the genre of videogame film adaptations that seemed to have the most success and you combine the two together. This mash up of Paul W.S. Anderson (Wor Paul) and Streetfighter/Mortal Kombat delivers DOA: Dead or Alive.

Budgeted at a modest $30m and made in China, you'd have thought hopes were high that a martial arts style movie based on the popular beat-em up series (and very popular volleyball spin offs with realistic "breast physics"(!)) would coin it in at the box office. $7.7m proved otherwise. Indeed, the film was delayed in the US because of the tepid international release and was eventually pulled out of the US market after just 21 days. But was that film really that bad???

Hey, it's one way to win the next Eurovision...

Plot first, and we have a large corporation inviting the best fighters in the world to a competition where they can win $10m. The film focuses on three of these competitors who each bring a sub-story with them and, this being a videogames movie, there is a fifth plot line just to tie things kind of together. There's also nano-bots cos, hey, videogames.

Devon Aoki plays Kasumi, a Shinobi ninja princess (that LinkedIn profile must be a hoot) looking for her brother (Hayate, played by Collin Chou) who disappeared during a previous DOA contest (and because she is now on the run from her family, is being chased by Ayane (Natassia Malthe), an assassin and Hayabusa (Kane Kosugi), a friend of her missing brother. Whilst she kicks this story off and has a connection to that fifth plot line, Aoki only gets fifth billing which seems more than a little unfair. Top billing goes to Jamie Pressly, playing superstar wrestler Tina Armstrong who wants to prove herself as more than just a superstar wrestler but also has to contend with her father (real life wrestler Kevin Nash playing Bass Armstrong) being in the same DOA competition. Rounding out the trio is Neighbours alumni Holly Valance, playing Christie, a master thief and assassin who is followed by her slightly dodgy companion Max (a youthful looking Matthew Marsden who had previously had stints in Emmerdale, Coronation Street and would later make the move the US).

Oh dear...

The rest of the cast are a mixed bag and whilst they do what they need to, three other cast members deserve comment. Sarah Carter plays Helena Douglas, daughter of the competition's late founder. By rights, as she finds out what nefarious scheme is being played out behind the scenes, she should be the dramatic foil to that plot, yet the actress doesn't achieve that. I think this is a script and directorial choice rather than the actress as she has done a lot better in other roles, but here falls flat. Steve Howey is stereotypical computer nerd Weatherby (the running gag about people not getting his name right is pointless and unfunny), and whilst there is a character arc for him, I think the term "voyeuristic pervert" sums up the starting point quite well. Ok, there is redemption for him but still, his introduction is not a good one. Last, but not least, is Eric Roberts. Yes, Julia's brother, this time with long hair and more than the look of a gentleman who shouldn't be hanging round dressing rooms... Now hold on, I know what you're thinking. Yes, he had a good start in acting, with an Oscar nod in 1985 to boot, but given that he very much became an actor for hire with over 600 credits to date, you can't help but notice the tendrils of concern reaching into your brain as you realise that if it stars Eric Roberts, you may not be watching the best quality movie or TV show. He plays Dr Victor Donovan, the guy running the competition and also behind the reason the competitors are injected with nano-sensors - he wants to use their fighting skills in a pair of augmented reality glasses to make the wearer the best fighter in the world. Obviously, he wants to sell this tech on and become stupidly rich. Ok, not a bad back-of a-napkin plot but neatly forgets that whilst you might be the best hand-to-hand fighter in the world, if your opponent has a gun, you're buggered. Still, videogames, nano-sensors and another plot line to pad out the slim 83 minute run time. 

One man and his multi-coloured porn collection...

DOA follows the videogame movie template set up by Wor Paul with Resident Evil (and he produced this film too so no surprise there), with its explanatory computer screen graphics (this time showing who is fighting in each round and the winners moving forward) and it keeps the same focus on a specific marketing demographic - the horny teenage boy. After all, it's a movie based on watching slim, attractive, partially dressed women fight in various arenas, including a rain soaked beach. High brow, this is not, though there is a bit of a nod to the silliness: as the trio of ladies discover that their every move has been recorded during the competition, one comments that the people who set this up were a bunch of pervs - is it wise to comment on the majority of your audience like that or would you expect them not to notice? That pandering covers the plots as well, as we see Kasumi eventually find her brother (Donovan was keeping him for the nano project), Tina prove she is a better fighter than her dad and Christie, whilst not getting the money, hooking up with Max instead. Weatherby gets hooked up with Helena and Donovan gets his comeuppance. To call this simplistic would be an injustice to simple things. 

As a fight-based movie then, you'd expect some decent fight scenes and you do, kinda, get them. Director Corey Yuen is not someone unfamiliar with action scenes (he directed The Transporter and his body of work has some notable titles in it) and at times, there are some decent sequences (keeping within the 15 rating). However, some of the wire work is slow and unbelievable, and that scaffolding climb at the start of the competition is laughable, though so is the CGI showing it blowing up at the film's finale. When scenes should be fast and kinetic, they drag and look like it was a fan creation at a cosplay event. The use of crap CGI is also noticeable at the very beginning where the zoom shot appears to have untextured doors on the virtual recreation of Kasmui's palace. It doesn't help that they used the real location a few seconds later and also further into the film (when dressed up) in a fight scene where it's supposed to be a completely different location. This gives more than a little of the air of a cheap BBC sci-fi drama (yes, looking at you again, BUGS), and that had little to no CGI at all. Still, we get the fight scenes, but it has to be said that the final scrap between Donovan and the ladies cannot get away from the fact that Eric Roberts is not a fighter. Once or twice, I did think they'd told him to get long hair so that, with those AR glasses on, you can't see whether it's him or his stunt double. 

Nope, no idea either...

Typical of videogames movies of the time, the music is all loud, guitar heavy punching beats that are supposed to make you think that what you are watching is exciting but can just be headache inducing. The same can be said if you start thinking of the events that drive the plot. For example, at the beginning where Kasumi wants to escape the compound she is being held in, there is a fight, she dives off a cliff, reveals she has a glider in her backpack (I'm not kidding!) and then, and only then, a flying shuriken comes out of nowhere to inform her she has been invited to the DOA competition. With Tina, it's after four "comedy" pirates are defeated trying to capture the boat she is on, a similar shuriken comes out of the sea. And with Christie, it's when she's on a motorbike after escaping the law from a hotel bust... whilst said bike is motoring down a busy city street. Once again, we're in the "it looks cool but it's complete bollocks" school of film making. Let's also not forget the fight where a guy sets his shoulders and they've added the sound effect of a gun being cocked over it. Yeah...

Characterisation is also weak - the motivations of each character are plain to see and to be fair to each of the cast, they are not exactly burdened with carrying the plot forward much. The quality of the acting isn't that great either, but as noted above, each has done better work elsewhere so it's the script and direction that get the blame here. 

DOA: Dead or Alive is a crap film, and yes, it really is that bad. However, get past the wonky acting, terrible and over-packed story, dubious wire work and fight scenes, cardboard characters and the every so slightly uncomfortable feeling that you really shouldn't be watching this (so only a few things to get over) and what you do have is the perfect Friday night film. I would recommend at least three or four strong beers to begin with, just to stop the higher brain functions trying to make sense of what your eyes are seeing, but at less than an hour and a half, DOA does not outstay its welcome. I expected much worse from what Laila had told me about this film but since it was only £1 at CEX, it wasn't a total waste of money. DOA, then,  is a testament to the braindead and simplistic way videogame adaptations keep being handled by filmmakers. What I can say is that at least it was not an Uwe Boll film...

Many thanks to Laila for suggesting this one. If there is a movie that you think fits into this type of post, you can comment below or contact me on Twitter here.