Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of by Stuart Ashen - Book Review

Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of (hereby shortened to TOGYPNHO) by Stuart Ashen is a tour de force guide featuring nineteen home computer "gems" released between 1980 and 1995. Handily, this period covers pretty much the exact lifespan on the traditional "home computer" before the PC (and Mac to a degree) became the defacto standards. As such, you're treat to titles from the Atari 8-bit range to the Atari ST, via the Spectrum, CPC, Electron, MSX and many others along the way.

This period was very much the Wild West as far as software releases went, what with bedroom coders and publishers, and larger clearing houses that pumped out title after title at the tempting price of £1.99 (which was a hefty sum of pocket money back in the day, I can tell you!). There was also the lure of licensed titles - what more could be guaranteed than quality when you saw a copy of Highlander on the shelves - the film was great, so the game should be too, right? Ahem!

Ashen approaches the topic perfectly, from his understanding of the period (which you'll have to be of a certain age to fully get), to the desert dry humour throughout. Each entry is a mine of information, keenly written so that the humour cushions the reader against the horrors contained within. And yes, there are some horrors here. Maybe back then you could, if your parents were well off enough or you had a paper round, write off a £1.99 purchase, but when it came to dropping up to £25 on such trash, well, gentle reader, that was proper folding money! Hell, it still is today. The author even includes a game he wrote on the Amiga, a game that only ever saw the light of day as freeware. Kudos has to be given to him for bringing it to our attention.

There are screenshots galore (where sometimes you wish there weren't) and each title is shown a perverse level of care and, indeed, affection. What other reason could there be for writing so eloquently about them - apart from the obvious warning to others, naturally... But the enjoyment doesn't stop here. Mr Ashen has also approached others to share their most disappointing game purchases.

Violet Berlin, Jeff Minter, Paul Rose, Mentski, Alan Boiston and Steve Benway provide admissions of guilt, shame and sheer perversity to the worst games they have purchased, one of which I recall very well. Yes, I fell foul of SDI on the Amstrad CPC back in the day. And yes, it was utter shite. There is also an interview with Ste Pickford about the state of the industry at the time. This one is particularly interesting as it highlights the changes that affected game development as the industry moved from the familiar 8-bit ranges to the wonders of the 16-bit future. The general impression given of the 8-bit market very much gels with the theme in iDesine's A World in Pixels, a cracking volume on the 8-bit Acorn scene.

But wait! There's more! With 80's games comes 80's comedians...

You also get your own Spectrum game included with the book. Now, before you all head off to the loft to dig out that +2 you were given for Christmas in 1987 (when what you actually wanted was an ST or Amiga), it's just a listing and it really is a crap game. Whether you find it worth typing in those eleven lines of BASIC is up to you, but it's a canny touch to top off the book. Actually, no, the cherry on top is the index. Read it, you'll see.

TOGYPNHO is a lovely little piece of videogame nostalgia, of a time when it really was pot luck walking into a games shop/supermarket/newsagents and picking up a cassette case with even the most decent of artwork - for as we all know from that time, the artwork (and screenshots on the back of the inlay) rarely gave you an accurate impression of the game itself. This fantastic little book deserves to be in your videogame tome collection and there is a follow up volume too, Attack of the Flickering Skeletons, that I'll pick up as and when, as I really enjoyed this volume. 

I should note that this was another book funded by supporters using Unbound. It really is a handy way of getting smaller, niche interest books published. 

You can buy this and the follow up on Amazon here, follow the author on Twitter here and subscribe to his YouTube channel here, which is also a hoot.