Sega Mania Issue 2 Review

The second issue of Sega Mania dropped through the letterbox recently and I thought it worth posting about as this is the first issue I have paid for, the copy of issue one I received as a free review sample. Between the two, the team behind the magazine have been very communicative and quick in providing updates via their Twitter and YouTube channels. This level of communication is reassuring and whilst they are effectively learning on the job with all of the highs and lows that entails, they've not been shy in telling people about this. That is to their credit and long may it continue. 

Back to the issue at hand and, following on from the first issue's 1990 focus, issue two takes us to 1991 and the year of the Game Gear. With 68 pages (including the cover), there have been some changes since the first issue which I think are for the better, and demonstrate that the editorial team are keen to make the magazine the best it can possibly be. They've also expanded the team (there are four writers! - thank you Captain Picard).

Starting off with an open and honest editorial about how the first issue went and how things are progressing, we're quickly into a review of the year 1991. Back to my school days at Tanfield Comp, Computer and Video Games magazine, Mean Machines... ah, the memories. Anyway, this is followed by two pages of opinion pieces by the rest of the crew, and then the News Zone, that lovely mix of "in the era but not quite of the era" reporting. It works, what else can I say? Future news has a piece about a new Dreamcast game, Intrepid Izzy, which is a cool looking platformer for Sega's final home console. Not bad considering the machine was discontinued twenty years ago. A single page is given over to 1991 news from other, less worthy, areas of the videogames market, four pages focus on Sonic the Comic (which I vaguely remember) and then we have a profile piece on OGDuffy, a retrogaming YouTuber. 

The review section is packed again this month, with the likes of G-LOC: Air Battle, Sonic The Hedgehog, Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse and loads more. In fact, twenty five titles get the review treatment, some of which cover multiple formats. A single page covers reader responses to the first issue, there's a two page interview with Audio Sprite, two pages go to a report on RetroSix and an interview with founder, Luke Malpass, and then we have a lovely two page cover spread of a Game Gear. What? It's not porn!

Collector's Corner features a lovely interview with RetroFaith, who is another YouTuber who, like OGDuffy, you should really check out. The collection she has, just from the pictures in this piece, is impressive. 

The Capitalism Zone features three reviews, including one that turned out to be a tad controversial. I'm not going into it as the Editor has responded to this in fine style (and I agree with him on this) and that is all that needs to be said here. There are single pages on TV shows of the year and notable films. Of the two films highlighted, the under-rated The Last Boy Scout gets a good write up and The Rocketeer, one of my favourite films of all time, also gets the love it deserves. Seriously, if you've not seen that film yet, watch it now!

The final section in the mag is the cheats page, which nicely covers the games in the review section. It's a cute touch and one I hope they continue with in future issues.

All told, the second issue of Sega Mania is a doozy. The humour is still there and there is a sense of style that differentiates the mag from others on the market. Is it different from the first issue? Yes. Is it improved? Definitely. So much so that as soon as they announced their plan for subscriptions, I paid for a three issue sub. I'm more than happy to see more of what the team can do and support it that way. No doubt this magazine will change as it grows and as the team become more adept at this publication malarkey. If you can, check out the Sega Mania website and buy a copy. If you like it, give them a sub. In my humble opinion, this is another niche videogaming magazine that most definitely deserves support.   

"Their Infantry And Guns Will Astonish You" - By Andy Copestake - Book Review

INT, COMMERCIAL PUB - DAY

Andy and Andrew sitting supping pints of Consett Ale Works Pale Ale whilst admiring the Christmas 1972 aesthetic (but not paying Christmas 1972 beer prices...)

ANDY

How much do you know about India, late 18th early 19th Century?

ANDREW

Not that much. Welly was there, long before he became Welly.

ANDY

And before then? What about the events that led up to Welly having a bit of a do at Assaye?

ANDREW

Nope, not a clue.

ANDY

Ah! Right then. Read Dalrymple's "The Anarchy" to get a handle on India from the perspective of the East India Company. Finished it? Good. Now, remember me telling you I was writing a book...?

FADE TO BLACK

This is a (loose) dramatisation of a conversation, based on real events, that leads us neatly onto my review of Andy Copestake's first book, "Their Infantry And Guns Will Astonish You" - The Army of Hindustan and European Mercenaries in Maratha Service 1780-1803. Having known Andy well over twenty years (the poor sod), I was looking forward to his first publication and gratefully received a copy when we met up for our first assembly of the Tantobie Wargaming and Tactical Society since February 2020. Full disclosure, I received my copy free of charge but have not discussed my thoughts on the book with him, nor has he evaluated or had any influence on the review you are about to read. All opinions are my own and he didn't even try to bribe me with a nice bottle of single malt... the rotter! 

Joking aside, what we have here is another fine addition to the Reason to Revolution Series from Helion & Co. A touch over 200 pages in length, there are many fine illustrations and maps, whilst the colour plates detailing the flags, standards and uniforms are detailed and accompanied with some great descriptive text. 

As for the text itself, you really do get a handle on the author's voice very quickly. The tome begins with a chapter on the state of India in the 18th Century, followed by a thorough walkthrough of the military forces deployed by the various factions. An introduction to Benoit de Boigne follows and then we are into the core of the topic - the Army of Hindustan. From the tale of its founding and first campaigns, to the retirement of de Boigne and his replacement by Perron, there is a real love of the subject on display here. The descriptions of forces and battles are well written, there are enough maps and diagrams to clearly detail the action that occurs and there is a hint of humour every now and again adding colour to the text. Similarly, the author has written a well-balanced narrative that gives every participant a fair hearing with no "national" bias.

There is a detour through the Widow's War, and George Thomas's extraordinary run that reads like a Victorian novel. The Civil War in the Maratha Confederacy is extremely interesting, especially for someone like myself with little background in the subject. The different houses, the alliances, the drama, murder... Best way I can describe it (in a very deliberately glib manner) is EastEnders meets Dune... 

That is a very accusatory expression...

The back third of the book concerns itself with the last years of the Army of Hindustan, the campaigns in the Deccan and Hindustan, with a closing chapter on what happened next to all concerned. There are appendices detailing the officers of the Army of Hindustan and a list of other Trained Brigades in India from 1752 to 1805. Then there is the biography...

Where there are discrepancies in the historical record or where there are conflicting reports, the author has used his knowledge of the period and contemporary practices to give an educated guess as to the size of forces and the actions that may have been taken. These are backed up with the reasons for his assertations and there are many a footnote referencing both modern and contemporary sources. Indeed, that bibliography takes up two and a third pages with very small text. The research for this book certainly threw out a wide net.

Before reading Dalrymple's "The Anarchy", I knew little of Indian history beyond the general British-centric stuff that always seems to be trotted out. I'm currently reading his "The Last Mughal" which, like "The Anarchy," is an even-handed telling of history. In that respect, Andy has written something very similar: a well-balanced and informative tome on a niche subject that has received little focused attention. There is plenty of colour to the tale and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Not only is this a worthy historical text on the subject matter, it is of great resource to those who wish to bring the period to a wargaming table. 

Their Infantry And Guns Will Astonish You is available directly from Helion & Co here or via the usual bookshops/online retailers if you order it in.

Was That Film Really That Bad??? - Resident Evil: Extinction

After the dire (but profitable) Resident Evil: Apocalypse, it was a forgone conclusion that there would be another sequel. Given the actual not half bad ending to that dumpster fire of a movie (from a potential storyline point of view anyway), there was definitely room for manoeuvre in a third instalment. As sure as day follows night, three years later, Resident Evil: Extinction duly hit the big screens. Scoring 24% on rottentomatoes.com, this was a slight improvement on Apocalypse (20%), but was this film really that bad?

As the third film in the series, this entry took us right back to the beginning. Literally. We see Alice (the returning Ms Jovovich) awaken in that tastefully arranged collapsed-in-shower position as she did in the first movie but we're quickly moved from the mansion to a hospital type corridor where Alice duly dies. Hold on! What??? 

Oh! Clones. To quote a different movie from a long, long time ago, I've got a bad feeling about this.

Yep, nefarious scientist-type bods, led by Dr Isaacs (a returning Iain Glen) are trying to recreate the actual Alice as she is the only successful example of a person bonding with the T-virus. Why do this? Well, as per a handy info dump and narration, the world has turned to shit. The T-virus got out of Racoon City and the whole planet is dead. Bang go any potential stories from that second film then.

Isaacs is holed up in an Umbrella Corp bunker in the Nevada desert, whilst the rest of Umbrella has also retreated to similar facilities in cities around the world, all organised by Umbrella CEO Wesker (Jason O'Mara) who is based in Tokyo. They're hanging on but it's looking grim, hence the pressure on Isaacs to get the Alice program sorted. 

The Kraftwerk reveal killed 'em dead...

Meanwhile, the real Alice is motorbiking across the American south west and discovers a notebook that details a refuge in Alaska, as well as finding out she's telepathic - as you do. We also have our intrepid survivors from the second film: Claire Redfield (Ali Larter), Carlos Olivera (Oded Fehr) and L.J. Wade (Mike Epps). They're part of a convoy of survivors that also happens to be in the area. Everyone eventually meets up, deciding to head to Vegas to pick up fuel. Isaacs finds this out, sends a container full of "trained" zombies to stop them and collect Alice, everything goes pear-shaped and the climax of the film is of Alice battling an infected Isaacs (who has become a Tyrant) whilst Redfield and some minor characters head off in a helicopter to safety somewhere else. At the very end, Alice kills the Tyrant with the help of a clone, discovers that there are hundreds, if not thousands of "her" waiting to be released, and pledges to come after Wesker in his Tokyo stronghold. Cue set up for next sequel.

That's a hell of a lot of boys for that milkshake they making.

I will say this: it's genuinely not as bad as Apocalypse. Really! It's still a crap film, no doubt, but the actual story and tone of the film are at least semi-grounded this time. That doesn't mean to say I don't have issues with it. Get yourself a glass of warm milk and some cookies, gentle reader, and I shall begin.

Their friends or their careers... who can tell what was buried here?

They really did waste the set up left by the end of Apocalypse. With Alice rescued by our intrepid gang, they could have taken any direction they wanted to with the characters. Instead, with a minute or two of voice over, they wipe that possibility out by killing off pretty much the entire planet. It does, however, mean that the $45m budget (same as Apocalypse) can go a bit further as they're filming in the desert most of the time. 

Let's do Vegas on a budget, they said...

Story wise, the introduction of Wesker and the Umbrella corporate boardroom does give a bit more depth to the proceedings. However, there is a "fuck off" moment when, during a boardroom meeting, you realise that almost everyone there is represented by a hologram and when the call ends, each place still has a full glass of water in front of it! Maybe it's a commentary on the inflexibility of corporate behaviour. Maybe it's just a filming snafu. Who knows. The film also tries to riff The Island of Dr. Moreau but that falls flat too.

Water, water everywhere, not a single drop they can drink.

 

There is definitely a Mad Max look to the movie and I suppose if you're going to emulate, you might as well copy from the best. And, considering the budget, they do some decent work here. Las Vegas gone to seed looks impressive to begin with, until you realise that the scale is all wrong, especially the faux Eiffel Tower. Also, it's not right next door the Venetian. When you've walked between the two in 40 degree heat, you know! Though this does being up another "fuck off" moment where a survivor climbs the Tower to provide covering fire with his L85A1, otherwise known as the SA80. It doesn't jam once. It is, indeed the perfect desert-suitable zombie killing device until they climb up to get him. Except, gentle reader, the A1 was unreliable crap. The A2 is pretty good by all reports, but the A1 was terrible. Yes, movie guns only jam when the story suits them but it does take away any sense of realism when you see this guy rock and roll with it - and I am aware that I have used the R-word whilst watching a guy shoot zombies from a tiny replica of the Eiffel Tower in a tiny mock up of Las Vegas! 

Uh-huh... Yeah... No!

The CGI, of the dogs (yep, we still have zombie dogs), crows and the Tyrant itself, is pretty dire. Same goes for the truck bomb near the end of the movie. That's a budgetary thing but at least this time, when they aim for a dramatic shot, it kind of comes off ok, rather than the bullshit of the previous film. That's the responsibility of the director, Russell Mulcahy, the director of the brilliant Highlander and absolute shit show that was Highlander 2. Here, he proves that a decent director can turn Wor Paul's scripts into something that isn't a steaming turd. As per the last film, Wor Paul handles writing and producing tasks, so we still get a CGI map of an underground facility. It's almost like a calling card now.

Here we go again...

The cast do what they need to, and the additions of the zombie fodder/Umbrella staff are there for show only. Shout out to Matthew Marsden who, once again, proves that he can do the business but keeps appearing in crap movies (DOA: Dead or Alive - reviewed here, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - nope, not touching that mess of robotic bollocks ever...) whilst Jason O'Mara makes Wesker a weird Eminem/Ray Charles/Agent Smith hybrid. 

Come on, let me see you shake your tail feather...

There is further nonsense, like Redfield taking the remaining survivors (Olivera and Wade don't make it) in a helicopter to, presumably Alaska, when in fact with that thing, she'd barely have the range to get out of Nevada. The whole clone project and the resources that it uses/wastes is another weird one. Where do they get the stuff from? The trip to Vegas - surely a city would have a large number of infected anyway - turns out it didn't, as Isaacs helicopters in a container load for the lols. 

Is this Vegas? Nope, surely a wrong turn at Albuquerque...

Resident Evil: Extinction is better than Apocalypse. It does waste the set up created at the end of the latter film but it does finish with its own opportunities. Nonsensical ones, but opportunities nonetheless. As with the previous two movies, the actors don't really get a chance to do much and, hell, most of them die anyway, but there is a bit more logic to the central story (well, only a smidge) and this film didn't raise as many hackles as Apocalypse. However, it's still a cheap looking daft videogame adaptation and that means yes, it really is that bad.

US Battleship Conversion Projects 1942-1965 - Book Review

Alongside being a sci-fi buff and videogamer, I also have an interest in military history. Predominantly post WW2 but hey, I'll read up on any period just to learn stuff. This also extends to the "what if?" category. One of the reasons I enjoyed D.K. Brown's quintet was reading about the design process for vessels that never touched the water, especially in the Cold War period. Today, I'd like to introduce you to a book that, whilst the original ships did serve (and kept coming back into service), looks at the plans cooked up to keep them relevant in that same period. Written by Wayne Scarpaci, this volume tells the tale of the many simple, crazy and downright loony projects that were discussed to retain the value in specific ships launched during the Second World War. 

The front third of the book is taken up by introductions: a background to the conversion of US capital ships, an introduction to the third generation of US capital ships and then a guide to the various missile programs from the mid-1940's to the 1960's. These range from ballistic missiles (Jupiter, Poseidon, Polaris etc), cruise missiles (Triton, Regulus, Rigel etc), surface to air missiles (Little Joe, Lark, Zeus, the "Bumblebee" missiles - Terrier, Tartar, Talos, Typhon etc) and anti-submarine rockets (ASROC). Each weapon system gets a decent biography, tech specs and some good photographs. Where contemporary diagrams are used, these are of varying quality but that's due to the condition of the original, not the quality of this publication.

The majority of the rest of the book is taken up with projects relating to the following classes of vessels - Iowa-class BB's (battleship), Alaska-class CB's (large cruiser) and the South Dakota/North Carolina/Colorado and New Mexico-class BB's (battleship). The Iowa's get the largest section but that's because they were given the most attention, especially in the 1950's.

Each project entry gets a suitable bio and description plus commentary where needed. The commentary demonstrates that the author knows of which he speaks. They also get line drawings of the proposed layout and artwork. Yes. I really must mention the artwork. Painted by the author himself, each piece is very well done, showing the project if it had reached service and, in some, "what if" aircraft and ships that also never reached fruition. It's the art that really brings the book to life. The book ends with a couple of appendices containing timelines and the like.

But what about the projects themselves?

Sticking to the Iowa-class, these were varied and more than a little nuts sounding. Because the Iowa's were big ships and missile systems took up a ton a space, the majority of these projects focused on adding SAM's and various surface to surface systems. From multiple Jupiter silo's to a frankly bonkers suggestion for a missile monitor (1 x Jupiter launcher with 12 missiles, 4 x twin Talos launchers with 400 missiles and 12 x Tarter launchers with 2400 missiles - and then we have the electronics fit to support that layout - a total of 54 radar sets!). As the author notes, this was not practical...

Ideas for converting the battleships to aircraft carriers or assault ships foundered, mostly because of the hull design and the crew numbers needed to maintain the ship. It is also noted that the BB's were designed to be one thing and one thing only, battleships. That was what they were good at and hurling 16-inch shells was a speciality that kept seeing the type return to service, culminating in something like a diet-monitor concept with the 1980's fit of Tomahawks and Harpoons, but that is way outside of the scope of this book.

The author has written a great treatise on the lengths the US Navy went to justify the retention of the large calibre gun ships after the Second World War. They offered space and weight allowance to fit "modern" weapons and whilst the BB's never saw a conversion during the period covered by this tome, the US Navy did convert some heavy cruisers to missile ships with varying (if expensive) degrees of success.

You can buy this book on Amazon and it's reasonably priced too. It provides a great deal to ponder if early Cold War naval history is your thing and could be a handy reference if you ever wanted to bring "what if" ships to a wargaming table. 

Lamplight City - Videogame Review

I'm a big fan of point and click adventures and regular readers may recall my review of The Art of Point and Click Adventure Games. However, it wasn't until Lamplight City was covered in Konstantinos Dimopoulos' seminal title Virtual Cities that I got round to picking up a copy from the Apple App store. 

Set in an alternate reality 1844, Lamplight City (developed using the Adventure Game Studio engine) takes place in the city of New Bretagne in North America, where the colonies remained part of the British Empire and were renamed Vespuccia. You play the part of Miles Fordham whose partner, Bill Leger is killed in the prologue. Five cases follow where you investigate clues, question characters and (maybe) solve the crimes perpetrated. You see, there are usually a couple of solid culprits to the first four cases and, if you wish, you can also decide that there isn't enough evidence either way and the case can remain unsolved. The fifth case ties in with Bill's death and there are links between that and the previous ones that may be important in solving the mystery of who killed your partner.

Not that you investigate these crimes on your own: the late Bill Leger is now a voice in your head who provides many of the best lines and jokes in the game. His presence is also a major driver in Fordham's ongoing mental health - Bill never shuts up and Fordham tried soporifics and drinking to quieten the voice down. This, naturally, effects both his professional life (he left the Police force) and his personal life, where his concerned wife, Addie, tries to understand what ails him.

As part of the setting, this 1844 has advanced much further into the Industrial Revolution and there are many steampunk elements to the story and the background. This creates a level of depth and sense of place that raises this title over many other adventure games. There are discussions about workers rights, spiritualism and politics that interweave themselves with the crime-fighting duo's attempts to solve the varied felonies in the game, and this depth is carried into a newspaper you can read in each case that not only covers the current murder, but also reports on the previous cases and ongoing events in the world of Lamplight City. I can certainly see why this game was selected for Virtual Cities.

Graphically, Lamplight City strikes all the right notes with its pixel perfect 2D artwork. Locations are varied and detailed, colour and tone are used to add character to the scenes and, overall, if you like the old-school 2D pixel art of point and click adventures, you'll love the way the art style brings Lamplight City to life. That extends to the character portraits, which have only limited animation but more than define the individuality of the cast. 

Sound wise, this game is a cracker. The music changes to perfectly match each location and the main theme is memorable ear worm, and that's a good thing. Praise must also be given to the voice cast: Ben Britton as Fordham and Al Pagano as Bill riff off each other well, and Pagano's comedic timing brings the game's humour to life. Miranda Gauvin as Constance Upton, Fordham's police contact, is also stellar. That should not take away from the fact that all of the voicework is great.

The game itself is quite linear and there are no real points of frustration that long-time point and click fans will be familiar with. This is more of an easy going title that wants to tell you a story and immerse you in the city of New Bretagne without allowing you to get stuck. My first run though took about ten hours, and then I played it again to see if I could get a different ending. I must admit, it can be a depressing tale if you fail to make the right choices or close off avenues of questioning. Fortunately, those choices are quite straightforward so the choice to succeed and find Bill's killer or fail and end up with the negative ending are clearly defined ones. 

I really do recommend this fun and engaging title. The world building, the characters and the story all combine to provide several hours of entertainment that even the most jaded point and click fan will enjoy. For those new to the genre, it's a very easy going introduction and yes, you should definitely try it out.

Lamplight City is available on Steam and GOG.com for Windows, macOS and Linux. It's also available via the macOS store and on iOS devices. You can check out the game's developer here, where you'll find news of their previous titles, as well as links to buy their games directly, from the above mentioned stores or the Humble Store. You can follow the game's author on Twitter via a link on their website, where you'll also learn about his next title, Rosewater, a Western adventure which is set in the same alternate 19th Century as Lamplight City. It's already on my steam wish list.

Was That Film Really That Bad??? Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Have you ever looked at something and wondered why? Not in the sense of nature, but something created by humans that appears pointless. Things like those over-priced kitchen utensils in Lakeland shops, designated smoking areas outside of pubs and shopping centres, and indicators on Audi/BMW/Mercedes cars (delete as applicable). In each case, you never see them being used, but people have put the effort in there. For this blog post, I present to you another entry in that category - Resident Evil: Apocalypse. But was that film really that bad???

The movie kicks off with a handy re-cap of the first film. So far, so good. Then we get to the first bit of stupidity that defines this entry in the franchise. We follow the camera under Racoon City to the entrance of the Hive, where a bunch of white "bunny" suited types are going to investigate the locked down facility. They get massacred by the still extant zombies from the first movie and the outbreak hits the city. I say this is silly as they sent a combat team in the first time so a bunch of techs ain't gonna do much better. 

I hope they have good life insurance...

There is an evacuation of the Umbrella Corp's great and the good; the daughter of one goes missing, STARS (Special Tactics And Rescue Squad - a highly trained Police unit) get involved in the chaos, the city is locked down, Alice rocks up, Umbrella test their new Nemesis project and all in all, fun and shenanigans ensue.

Except it's not fun and the shenanigans are less shenaniganny than you'd expect.

He bought the RE Blu-ray collection. I feel his pain.

As with the first film, Apocalypse borrows liberally from various Res Evil games, with Jill Valentine from RE1 and 3, Carlos Oliveira (called Olivera in the film) and Nemesis from RE3, and a host of nods here and there. As before, there is fan service but it never gets in the way of making a shite film. 

Paul W S Anderson (Wor Paul) returns to the writer and producer roles for this film, handing over directorial duties to Alexander Witt. This was his directorial debut and he's not done much else in that role. As second unit director though, he's worked on Speed, Gladiator, several Bond films and many more. There is pedigree there. Sadly, he's working off a script by Wor Paul and this is where the problems really begin. Basically, this film is a giant teen boys wank fest.

Everything that happens in this film happens because it looks good. Not because it makes sense, nor because there is an internal logic that has been defined before events occur. No, they happen because the inner 15 year old of Wor Paul was let loose with a $45m budget. It worked somehow because this grossed back $129m and justified more entries to come. But how stupid, I hear you ask.

Example one: the tech guys rocking up at the Hive. Stupid. You've lost one team already, you've seen what's already come out (proto-Nemesis included) yet you send a half dozen red (actually white) shirts to kick off a city-wide infection. Stupid.

Example two: The lorry collision that leads to daughter of VIP going missing. This collision happens for no reason. It looks deliberate story-wise in the way it has been filmed, and you get the same feeling as you do with the tech dudes above. It occurs to make things happen rather than being a natural part of the story.

Example three: Olivera jumping from a helicopter using guns in both hands whilst diving to a roof top. No! Just fucking no! Yeah, he looks badass, but he'd have hit jack shit whilst hanging from that rope.

Example four: The cathedral rescue - Alice rocks up to save some of the main characters from "lickers" in the cathedral. She does this by riding a motorcycle through the main window of the cathedral, landing on one of the beasts and then blowing up the motorcycle in a slow-mo explosion. How she knew they were there? No idea. Same with the riding through the window. Just plain stupid. But it looks badass-ish.

Example five: STARS. The surviving members of STARS are holed up in a diner. They have a sniper, taking zombie pot shots at a range of no more than 50-60m (real skill there dude, not!) when Nemesis rocks up after being ordered to kill all surviving STARS members. This is watched by the bad Umbrella people via Nemesis, one of whom states that STARS are "the best of the best". This, gentle reader, is shit story telling. They've told us, not shown us. What they actually show us is a bunch of out of shape cops displaying zero tactics or fire discipline and achieving fuck all apart from dying. Best of the best, my ring piece. 

Can you see the issue here with that rifle barrel and where the target is?

Example six: The dead are rising and our cast of intrepid dumbwits walk through a graveyard. (sigh).

Why? Just fucking why would you do this???

There are many more such examples but you get the picture. 

What also doesn't help are the sub-plots: Dr Ashford (the VIP and the creator of the T-Virus) and his missing daughter, Jill Valentine and Olivera teaming up to get out of the city with Alice, Umbrella releasing Nemesis like a training program and making matters far far worse, and then Umbrella finally shutting the city off and nuking it when it goes wrong(!). It's a story-telling mess that isn't helped by the fixation on looking badass and moving from "cool scene" to "cool scene". It's also blatantly obvious that just a handful of head-shots would have turned this 93 minute movie into a ten minute short. After watching it, you wish someone had thought of that at the time. 

Casting then, and they haven't done too badly here despite the mess of a film they're appearing in. Jovovich returns as Alice, displaying all of the subtle character and emotion she did in the first film (i.e none). Oh, she puts the effort in to the fighting and looking cool, just that once again there is zero character for her to work with. Oded Fehr does a good job as Olivera, looking all stern and professional as the Umbrella merc left behind. Sienna Guillory has a harder time as Jill Valentine, a rebellious STARS officer. She looks the part and can hold a gun, but once again, her character is a caricature, barely fleshed out from the videogames. Games fans, those still watching anyway, will appreciate the accurate outfit though. 

This is Jill. Even the background gets more screen space than Jill.

There are good turns by Thomas Kretschmann as the evil Major Cain, Razaaq Adoti and Zack Ward as Valentine's and Olivera's respective doomed colleagues Wells and Ginovaef (oh shit, spoilers!) and Sandrine Holt as TV reporter Terri Morales, who is ultimately given little to do. Mike Epps does what he can to provide comedy sidekick value as "L J" Wade, whilst Sophie Vavasseur isn't overly annoying as Dr Ashford's daughter.

That just leaves Harris and Glen. Jared Harris (as Dr Charles Ashford) and Iain Glen (as Dr Alexander Isaacs, replacing the cameo of Jason Isaacs from the first film but changing his name as a nod to the previous actor) have appeared in some brilliant TV and movie roles. From The Terror, The Expanse, Chernobyl and the second Downey Jr Holmes film, to Game of Thrones, Kingdom of Heaven and Jack Taylor, each actor has delivered some cracking performances. True, they have worked for the money as well (Lost in Space and Tomb Raider respectively - and that's not a criticism - you go where the money takes you), but you know that when they are on-screen, they are doing the best they can. The same is true here, with Harris visibly trying to be better than what the script offers him, whilst Glen desperately attempts to twirl an invisible moustache in order to make his character even minutely more interesting. Sadly, the script and direction let them both down. They deserve much better than this.

Iain's found the corpse that is this movie.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse also suffers from being the sequel to the first film. Remember those CG maps that handily told you where people were in the Hive? They're back in the form of city maps as Ashford searches for his daughter. Yep, it's just as bad as the first film but it's also a cheap way of telling people what's going on. Similarly crap is the CGI used for the various creatures, and the dogs are back as well because, you know, it's a Res Evil movie.

A "Licker"... insert innuendo of your choice here...

You can also tell they are aiming at the teen fan market because of the themes that pop up. You have Valentine's outfit (game accurate but, in the real world, totally inappropriate for any kind of police work - but the look is the main thing), zombie prostitutes that (I think, and I hope I am wrong) are there to provide a bit more titillation, and the prevalence of smoking, cos, you know, smoking looks cool and all that jazz (top tip, readers, smoking is not cool). They even use a cigarette to blow shit up in a slow motion way but even then, it's so mind-numbingly stupid, it loses all sense of drama.

That's its tongue, apparently.

So, the film is acting like a rebellious teenager. Can it get any worse? Oh yes. The sound editing. Every time Jovovich swings a punch or a kick at something, they've added a whip-crack sound. At first, you don't notice this but, with some of the choreography and fight choices, the action is so slow that the whip-crack sounds like it was added as a piss take. It's terrible, and I felt as if the next thing would be for badly dubbed voices. Luckily, it didn't go that far. They could, however, have done with some lights. I know this takes place at night but there are times you literally can't seen what's going on.

This is a proper "fuck off" moment in a film full of "fuck off" moments!

Where it did go was a place that I hate to see films and TV shows go. Yes, it's the return of the re-purposed motorcycle helmet. The Umbrella special forces that appear towards the end of the film use them and once you see it, it destroys any immersion you may have with the story - and that is one hell of an achievement given what you've watched so far! When your best troops are kitted out by the nearest branch of Halfords, you know there's something not quite right here.

Literally the only bright point of this film.

If you were a massive fan of the first film, you may have looked forward to this one in the belief that it would be bigger and better. It is bigger, the sense of scale is there in the crowd scenes but the film often switches back to smaller scale locations once action is due to happen. It is not, however, better in any way whatsoever. The choices made with the story telling and the discarding of all internal logic make this film a stupidity filled mess that, if it weren't a sequel, would never have been made. Who is to blame here? The cast turn up and do their jobs, and whilst the director has a lot to take responsibility for, he's also working from a script and that script is the work of Wor Paul (who also co-produced it) so at the end of the day, it's He who is responsible for this steaming pile of bool sheet. There are others who should also take the blame here, and that's the people who saw this film in the theatres. The consequences of that was the third film in the franchise, Resident Evil: Extinction, which followed three years later. But that, gentle reader, is for another time. For now, just accept that yes, this particular film really was that bad. 

[lock-on] Journal 001 - Review

The [lock-on] project was a dream given form. It's goal, to provide long form content and bespoke artwork, to prove that videogames are more than just an entertainment medium, to demonstrate that videogames are art. One hundred and fifty-four pages, featuring work from dozens of writers and artists, wrapped up in a high quality hardback cover. This is a review of a new videogames journal. The year is 2021, the name of the tome: [lock-on].

Volume one with custom obi strip.

I apologise. To J.M. Straczynski for ripping off his Babylon 5 opening monologue and to you, gentle reader, for really reaching with that intro. I'm sorry.

Anyhoo, here is [lock-on], a videogaming periodical from Lost in Cult, a new indie publishing company that aims to provide premium content for fans of videogames. Launched via a Kickstarter campaign that raised £16,567 from a requested £13,000 in April, the publishers have certainly achieved their original goal in getting the first volume of their new journal out to backers, and gone further by setting up a new funding stream to support the journal and grow the readership. More on that later.

As a backer of the physical hardback edition, I was interested to see what would arrive. When it did (two days early compared to the expected date, which was a pleasant surprise), it was wrapped in bubble wrap, along with an A3 poster, four artwork postcards, a little sticker and a review booklet. Everything was supported by a piece of card and the black, padded envelope topped off the package. 

The extras are of high quality and the poster, along with the artwork cards, beg to be framed and put on the wall. As for the journal itself, the cover is nice and sturdy, and shows off the artwork brilliantly. The pages are of good stock but not glossy, and I think that suits the journal very well. 

The existential reason for this journal are the articles, and after a good intro from Digital Foundry's John Linneman, there are 32 commissioned articles plus four pieces from backers of the campaign, all linked to the core topic of this volume, Sony's PlayStation. I'm not going to list all of the articles or authors, you see those in the picture below, but what I will say is that there is a lovely variety of topics: from retrospectives on specific titles, to the approach to accessibility in videogames; from a personal reflection of growing up with Sony's consoles from day one, to how the PlayStation 2 rocked the Indian videogames market; from a run through of Housemarque's best games, to an interview with Limited Run Games - there is a breadth of topics that make this volume a joy to read. 

Contents page.

What really lifts [lock-on] is the presentation. Each piece has a different art style and layout - some make good use of blank space to reinforce the text, others are side on, so you have to turn the book 90 degrees. Fonts, layout and tone are individual to each author and artist, highlighting how unique each piece is. You get a good feel for each author's style and there is a definite love of all things PlayStation here. I especially liked the Kickstarter backer's entries, and I hope they will be a feature in future volumes, but having said that, there isn't a wasted word in here from any contributor. However...

The review booklet.

Now don't hate me... yet. Finish the paragraph before collecting your assigned pitchforks and flaming torches and joining the queue for the Megabus (other methods of mass transport are available) to Durham. [lock-on] is not 100 percent perfect - the article on Silent Hill will be a troublesome read unless you are in good reading light (red text on a black background is a design choice but my tired and aged eyes didn't like it), and it rams "Bills, Bills, Bills" in to your head with all of the subtlety of a pneumatic drill, but that's the only, teensy minor issue I can raise. If I scored my reviews out of one hundred, [lock-on] would lose a couple of marks for the text decision and a good thirty or forty for the half hour it took to get that bloody song out of my head... Oh, fudge, it's back again! Curse you, Dickinson!

That minor quibble aside, I can find no further fault. Lost in Cult have delivered gloriously on their promise and have a second volume planned for a Kickstarter campaign launching 17th August. This could be an expensive month, what with this, Ninty Fresh and E1M1 starting to hint at another batch of issues, but I am not complaining. Indeed, it's exciting and reassuring that such varied videogames-centric publications are continuing to thrive. 

As for Lost in Cult, well, they have another source of funding as well. There is a membership drive via Steady, where from £2.50 to £10 per month (if billed annually), £3 to £12 (if billed monthly), you can support the team and gain access to podcasts, Discord, exclusive articles and even a digital copy of the journal, subscription amount dependent. The intention is to widen the community around [lock-on] as well as ensure content creators get paid for their work. You can check out the various tiers and options here.

Back to the journal itself and if this is something that appeals to you, you can buy a digital copy for £18 or a softback copy for £20 -  the hardback is now sold out. Any purchases of these in August will also result in a 15% donation from the price you pay going to safeinourworld.org, a charity aimed at supporting mental health in the videogames world. A worthy cause that will cost you nothing extra to support.

Will I be buying the second volume? Yes. [lock-on] fills a niche and it does so gloriously with style and verve. This is a premium journal and one that, based on the first volume, is worthy of support. 

You can find out more about [lock-on] via their website here, where you can check out snippets of volume one, preview info for volume two and see details of their Steady membership.